Narcissistic abuse can take many different forms, but they all have one thing in common: the narcissist’s need for control and domination. In this blog post, I will discuss several types of narcissistic abuse and provide practical examples in each case.
I will start with gaslighting, which is one of the favourite and most effective abusive tactics of the narcissist.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which the narcissist seeks to undermine and invalidate their victim’s perceptions, memories, and sense of reality. The narcissist does this by making the victim doubt their own memories, perceptions, and experiences.
For example, the narcissist may tell the victim that they never said something, even though the victim knows they did. The narcissist may also claim that the victim is “imagining” things, or that they are “crazy”.
The narcissist may also try to control the victim’s environment in order to make them doubt their own reality. For example, the narcissist may hide things and then claim that the victim “moved them”.
The impact of gaslighting can be devastating. It can cause the victim to doubt their own memories, perceptions, and experiences, and ultimately, their sanity.
Abuse by Proxy and Flying Monkeys
Another common tactic of the narcissist is to abuse their victim by proxy. This often involves enlisting the help of “flying monkeys”.
Abuse by proxy is when the narcissist gets someone else to do their dirty work for them. This can be done in a number of ways, but the most common is to get the person’s friends or family to bully, harass, or threaten the victim on their behalf.
The narcissist may also enlist the help of “flying monkeys” to do their bidding. Flying monkeys are people who the narcissist has convinced to believe their lies and support their abuse.
For example, the narcissist may tell their flying monkeys that the victim is “crazy” or “dangerous.” The goal is to get them to stay away from the victim, or to use them to spread gossip or lies about them. Sometimes this results in a full-blown smear campaign that can be extremely damaging to the victim’s reputation.
Another common tactic of the narcissist is the “fauxpology”. This is when the narcissist makes a false or insincere apology in order to placate their victim and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
For example, the narcissist may say they’re sorry for yelling, but then immediately start yelling again. Or, the narcissist may say they’re sorry for hurting the victim, but then claim that the victim “made them do it”.
Narcissistic Hoovering and Love Bombing
Another tactic of the narcissist is what is known as “narcissistic hoovering”. This is when the narcissist tries to “suck” their victim back into the relationship after they have been discarded.
Narcissistic hoovering can take many different forms, but the most common is “love bombing”. This is when the narcissist showers their victim with love and attention after they have been discarded, in order to try to get them to come back.
For example, the narcissist may start calling and texting the victim non-stop, or sending them gifts and flowers. The narcissist may also start telling the victim how much they love and need them.
The narcissist may try to convince the victim that they have changed and that they are now a “good person”. However, this is usually just an act, and the narcissist will quickly return to their abusive ways once the victim is back under their control.
Finally, one of the most common and most hurtful things that the narcissist does is known as “narcissistic discard”. This is when the narcissist suddenly cuts off all contact with their victim, without any explanation.
The narcissist may also delete the victim from social media, or block their phone number. They will make up excuses for why they are no longer interested in the victim, blaming the victim for their behaviour.
The narcissist may also claim that the victim is “crazy” or “dangerous”, in order to justify their actions.
Final Thoughts on these Narcissistic Abuse Examples
As these examples of narcissistic abuse have shown, narcissists are pros at destroying their victims’ self confidence and peace of mind. No matter what promises they make about changing their ways, they never do. The only thing that you can do if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist is to get out as soon as possible.
For Further Reading:
You might also want to check out the following posts about the different abuse tactics in the Narcissist’s toolbox:
- Abuse by Proxy
- Ambient Abuse
- Coercive Control
- Divide and Conquer
- Flying Monkeys
- Future Faking
- Love Bombing
- Narcissist Discard
- Narcissist Hoovering
- Narcissistic Triangulation
- Narcissistic Abuse
- Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome
- Narcissistic Family Roles
- Narcissistic FOG
- Narcissistic Grooming
- Narcissistic Projection
- Narcissistic Rage
- Narcissistic Smear Campaign
- Narcissistic Word Salad
- Parental Alienation
- 7 Types of Narcissistic Abuse with Practical Examples
- The 10 Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
- 13 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Abuse: How to Deal with It and Get Help
- Flying Monkeys in the World of Narcissism: What They Are and How to Deal with Them
- Gaslighting Defined – How Can You Tell If Your Partner Is Gaslighting You?
- Why Narcissists String Along their Exes and Never Cut Them Loose
- Understanding the Cycle of Emotional Abuse – The Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship
And finally, this is my story. I was the scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic father.
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