Last updated on December 9th, 2025
Key Takeaways
The effects of having a narcissistic father last a long time, even into adulthood.
Narcissistic parenting messes with a daughter’s sense of who she is. The daughter learns to put her father’s needs ahead of her own, which leads to patterns of self-doubt, people-pleasing, and fear of conflict that last a lifetime.
Adult relationships show the scars from childhood trauma. Trust, boundaries, and self-worth can all be affected, which can make it hard to be close to someone, make you afraid of being criticised, and make you not know what healthy love looks like.
To heal, you need to accept the past and get back in touch with your inner voice. Recognising the dynamics, going to therapy, being kind to yourself, and learning how to parent yourself again are all important steps.
I thought there was something wrong with me when I was a kid. I couldn’t have put a name to it then, but I always felt confused, guilty, and emotionally hungry. I only realised as an adult, many years later, that my sense of never being quite good enough was a direct result of my father’s behaviour. And today, at 50, I can still feel it. Trauma doesn’t go away. It doesn’t go away as you get older. It stays inside you until you ultimately see it for what it is.
A narcissist’s needs, his moods, and his rules that vary without warning are the only things that matter to him. My feelings and my needs didn’t matter unless there was something in it for him.
Being depressed made me “ungrateful.” If I was hurt, I was “too sensitive.”
He took the credit if I did well. If I failed, then I was on my own.
That emotional landscape slowly changes you. You learn that love is not unconditional, that you have to earn approval, and that your worth comes from what you do for your narcissistic parent, not who you are.
The narcissist trains you to read the room like crazy, to see rage coming in time to get out of the way, and to get smaller so he can shine.
You learn to say you’re sorry even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
You learn to keep your needs to yourself to keep the peace.
You become an adult who doubts everything she thinks, is afraid of disagreement, and wanders through life waiting for the next emotional blow.
And even now, I can still hear his voice in my head—those old insults, those sneaky judgements, and those times when he changed the truth so I would doubt my own. Understanding the toxic dynamics of my childhood has helped, but just knowing how we received our wounds doesn’t make them go away.
But admitting the truth has been the first step towards getting my life back. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting about the past; it involves realising how much it changed you and making a conscious decision to change how you are now.
For me, healing has meant learning how to turn off his voice so I can hear my own. It’s about realising that my feelings are genuine, that my memories are real, and that I deserved a lot more than the emotional crumbs I chased as a child.
Therapy helped me see the patterns, but real compassion for myself helped me break them. I had to learn how to be a parent to myself and give myself the understanding, patience, and consistency I never got as a child. It takes a long time and can be difficult, but it is the only way to overcome the past and find happiness in the present.
Healing has also meant changing how I think about love. I had to learn that love is not something you earn, it is not something you have to give up your identity for, and it is not something you have to give up. It’s okay to set limits, even with family and loved ones. That it’s good to stay away from people who hurt you, even if they are related to you. And that it’s okay to choose serenity over duty.
I don’t know everything, but I know how lonely this trip may be, so I’m sharing this. If your father is a narcissist, you may not completely comprehend the traumas he left you with until years later. But those scars don’t make you who you are. You are so much more than what your father made you out to be.
I am still recuperating at 50. I am still learning. But I don’t live in the world he made anymore. I’m making my own now, one where my voice, feelings, and worth don’t depend on anyone else’s approval.
If your father is a narcissist, I hope this reminds you that you’re not alone and that it’s possible to heal at any age. You can always get back the parts of yourself that were taken. You can always come home to yourself.
Related Posts
Carla Corelli, a writer, advocate, and survivor of narcissistic abuse, draws from her own upbringing with a narcissistic father to shed light on psychological trauma. Fueled by her personal journey, she pursued a degree in psychology and has dedicated herself to shedding light on the complexities of narcissistic abuse.
With over fifteen years of experience in writing and advocating for survivors, Carla is deeply committed to providing support, education, and empowerment to those who have endured similar trauma. Through her articles, Carla aims to offer a compassionate space for healing and growth, while advocating for greater awareness and understanding of narcissistic abuse.
More info about Carla
Our editorial policy