ACoNs – The Adult Children Of Narcissists – born and raised in a narcissistic family

Do you have a parent who is a narcissist? Did you grow up in a narcissistic family? If so, you are not alone. There are many adult children of narcissists (ACoNs) out there who know all too well how destructive narcissistic abuse can be.

Narcissism is becoming an increasingly common personality disorder, and it can be very damaging to the people who have to live with it.

This post is for ACoNs who, like me, grew up in fear, tormented by a narcissistic parent. I understand what you are going through, and how your narcissistic parent destroyed your confidence and self esteem.

I hope my blog will help you heal and move on from your childhood trauma.

Here are some tips for dealing with a narcissist parent:

  • Don’t try to change your parent. This is impossible and will only lead to frustration on your part.
  • Set boundaries and stick to them. Let your parent know what you will and will not tolerate.
  • Don’t take the blame for your parent’s problems.
  • Don’t try to fix your parent. This is not your job.
  • Seek support from other ACoNs. There is strength in numbers.
  • Don’t try to change your parent – this is impossible and will only lead to frustration on your part.
  • Set boundaries and stick to them. Let your parent know what you will and will not tolerate.
  • Educate yourself about narcissism and how it affects people. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to deal with your parent’s behaviour.

I hope these tips will help you to cope with your narcissistic parent.

Narcissistic Family Roles:

Narcissistic parents usually give their children very specific roles in the family. Do you recognize yourself or your siblings in any one of these?

  • The Scapegoat: This is the child who is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family. They are often targets of abuse, both verbal and physical.
  • The Golden Child: This is the child who is the narcissist’s favourite. The parent will try to mould them into their image.
  • The Hero: This is the child who tries to make everything right for the family and takes on too much responsibility. They often have a strong sense of duty and are perfectionists.
  • The Lost Child: This is the child who withdraws from family life and becomes isolated. They often feel invisible and unheard.
  • The Caregiver: This is the child who takes on the role of caregiver to their narcissistic parent, often at the expense of their own needs. They are responsible, reliable, and often put their own needs last.

Each one of these roles are harmful for a child. In my family, I was the scapegoat, and I used to think that my brother (the golden child) was the lucky one. Now that we are both adults, it is clear that my brother is even more damaged than I am.

ACoNs – you are not alone!

If you are one of the many ACoNs in the world, you may feel alone and unsupported. You may not know where to turn for help. But you are not alone. There are many others out there who understand what you are going through. This blog is a safe place for you to share your experiences and find support from other adult children of narcissists. You can get through this. I believe in you.

If you would like to share your story or offer advice to other ACoNs, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.

Other useful resources

You might also want to check out the following posts about the impact of childhood distress and trauma on children:

And finally, this is my story. I was the scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic father.

Disclosure: Please note that some of the links in this post are affiliate links. When you use one of my affiliate links, the company compensates me. At no additional cost to you, I’ll earn a commission, which helps me run this blog and keep my in-depth content free of charge for all my readers.

2 thoughts on “ACoNs – The Adult Children Of Narcissists – born and raised in a narcissistic family”

  1. I was threatened, really threatened by my father, first that he should kill me and that 2nd, he would kill me. My mother and I got thrown by him this January and at first she said….. now I believe what happened to you 15 years ago. Now a few short months later, “if he wanted to kill you, he could have”. Under my breath I prayed and I slipped out from his grasp where he had his forearm around my throat. While pulling my hair. This is narcissistic plus just violent abuse. I slipped because the hood of my car got wet, but essentially I know God saved me from what could have been.

    Reply
    • Hi Stephanie, I am so very sorry. You have been let down by both your parents – your mother and your father both betrayed you in different ways. I want you to know that I believe you. I have been there too, and you are not alone. I am truly glad that God was with you that day. Sending you my love and a hug xx

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