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Suspecting Domestic Abuse? Here Are 3 Ways to Show Support Safely

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Domestic abuse is an unfortunate situation, be it a man or a woman. According to the United Nations, it is also known as intimate partner violence in which the abuser gains and maintains power/control over their intimate partner. 

It may include any behaviors that involve threatening, manipulating, intimidating, humiliating, or wounding someone. Such a scenario is not only common in marriages but also in dating and living together setups. 

Such heinous behaviors are more common against women than men. Overall, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) states that nearly 10 million people across the US suffer from domestic abuse every year. 

Do you suspect that someone you know may be experiencing domestic abuse? If yes, then this article will help you understand the signs, causes, and ways to help them get out of this situation. 

Causes of Domestic Abuse 

Let’s start our discussion by first addressing the causes behind domestic abuse. In most cases, the victim tries their best to comply with the wishes of their spouse in every area of life. 

Then, why would someone be so cruel as to physically or emotionally abuse someone, right? The psychology behind such behaviors can be called complex at the least. Let’s look at the main causes – 

  • The perpetrator may have witnessed domestic violence as a child. To them, such behaviors are normal within a spousal relationship. 
  • They hold certain rigid belief systems about patriarchy, hierarchy, and domination. 
  • The abuse is the result of some childhood trauma. 
  • The perpetrator is a narcissist, in which case they have an inflated view of themselves. 

This form of abuse can take several forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse. Most perpetrators also cut off their victim’s freedoms by controlling their choices and checking on them obsessively. 

Signs That Someone May Be a Victim

Since you’re reading this article, we understand that you must have noticed some signs of domestic abuse in a family member, friend, or even a neighbor. We have compiled an extensive list of signs to help you review the case before you. 

This will enable you to help them the right way. Let’s look at the different unmistakable signs of domestic abuse, as shared by Verywell Mind – 

  • Getting easily agitated 
  • Being largely withdrawn and unresponsive 
  • Showcasing unusual behaviors or sudden changes in behavior 
  • Exhibiting fear or nervousness around certain people 
  • Having visible injuries like cuts or bruises 
  • Going to extreme lengths to hide said injuries, like wearing long sleeves or sunglasses all the time 
  • Appearing unkempt, dehydrated, or malnourished 
  • Having strange eating and sleeping habits 
  • Showing no real interest in daily activities 
  • Being extremely meek, overcompensating, and apologetic 
  • Isolating oneself from friends and family 

3 Ways to Show Support Without Overstepping 

The truth of domestic abuse is ugly because it can impact a victim’s perception or reality and themselves. They may feel guilt, used, or unworthy of love and respect. 

The most dangerous part is that many victims end up believing that they did something to deserve such abuse. If you notice the above-mentioned signs in someone, it’s time to spring into action before it’s too late. 

You don’t want to overstep their boundaries but you do want to help them. Here are some ways to do so. 

Try to Talk First 

Even if the victim has not approached you directly, see if there’s a way to reach out to them. Can you get them to have a 5-minute chat? If yes, that would be the best place to start. 

You can ask them about how they’re doing and other life details before sneaking in “the question.” Give them space and do not pressure them to spill it all immediately. If they open up to you, listen without judgment. 

Ask any questions if needed but avoid blaming the victim in any way. You can also encourage them to seek help by offering resources like the number of local domestic abuse outreach services. 

Help can also be extended to report the assault to the police. If the victim expresses a desire to leave their abuser, help them plan safe strategies. 

Contact a Relevant Non-Profit 

Now, attempting to help someone experiencing domestic abuse can put you at risk as well. While coming up with an exit strategy is good, do not proceed with it alone. It’s best to contact a local non-profit that specializes in helping victims of domestic violence. 

These organizations have highly qualified social workers who deal with cases of domestic abuse. Professionals who complete Master’s in Social Work programs are qualified to help the victims pursue legal justice for their abuse. 

They can also extend mental counseling to help process the trauma that comes with such abuse. According to St. Bonaventure University, the aim is to always empower individuals and families through compassionate support. This way, victims need not feel isolated in their struggle for freedom and justice. 

Help Them Prepare an Emergency Bag 

It’s not possible to plan a successful exit strategy without some considerations. You can help the victim prepare an emergency bag that will contain all the necessary items for an escape. 

The following items should be present inside the bag – 

  • Financial details like insurance and bank documents, credit cards, etc. 
  • Medical details and any important medication (if required) 
  • Documents like passports, marriage and birth certificates, driver’s licenses, etc.
  • A few snacks and beverages 
  • Any important items the person is accustomed to using daily 
  • In the case of children, their favorite toy or comforter 

Once the said bag is packed, offer to keep it safe with you. It will help the victim have access to the bag on the day they plan an exit. 

Amid all this, do not forget your own safety. Take care that you do not place yourself in a dangerous situation. However, hypervigilance may not be a good thing. That’s why it’s important to take precautionary steps. 

Never offer to talk to the abuser on behalf of the victim (even if they’re a friend). Ensure that the abuser never sees you as a threat even as you help the victim. Lastly, seek help from the relevant authorities; this cannot be stressed enough.