Future faking is a manipulative technique that narcissists use to control their victims. They make promises about the future which they have no intention of keeping in order to keep their victims under their thumb.
In this blog post, I will discuss what future faking is and the signs you must look out for.
How does future faking work?
Future faking involves making promises about the future which are never fulfilled.
The narcissist makes you believe that they love you and that you will be together forever. However they will then break up with you as soon as it suits them.
They may also make other promises like telling their victim that they will change. But of course, they never will.
Sometimes they promise to help their victim in some way. But tomorrow never comes.
They know how much these things mean to their victims so when they fail at keeping these promises on purpose, it hurts even more deeply than if they had simply forgotten about them altogether (which would still be bad enough).
Signs of Narcissistic Future Faking
There are many signs of narcissistic future faking, but one of the most common is when they promise something and then never follow through with it.
A narcissist may say that he or she will do something for you (like go on a date), but then never show up at all-or worse yet, they’ll get in touch just long enough to apologize profusely before disappearing again indefinitely!
Another sign would be if someone keeps making promises about spending time with you (“I love spending time with you!”) without actually following through with those plans.
Narcissists are also very good liars which makes them difficult to catch out in these lies.
Their words always seem sincere, even though we know deep down inside there’s no truth behind them.
The Impact on Victims
The consequences of being involved with a narcissist who uses future faking can be devastating.
Victims often feel used, manipulated, and worthless after the relationship ends.
They may also find it difficult to trust anyone else again after having their trust violated in this way by someone they loved and believed in.
Additionally, victims may struggle with feelings of abandonment, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD or CPTSD) as a result of the narcissistic abuse they experienced.
If you’re currently in a relationship with a narcissist and suspect that they are using future faking tactics on you, it’s important to seriously reconsider your relationship. You deserve to be with someone you can trust, and who wants to build a real future with you.
Posts About Narcissistic Abuse Tactics
Abuse by Proxy – How to Identify and Deal with this form of Psychological Abuse
How to Detect and Escape Ambient Abuse – A Survivor’s Guide
Blaming the Victim – The Narcissist’s Insidious Strategy to Avoid Responsibility
Divide and Conquer – A Strategic Way of Isolating Victims
Enmeshment in Narcissistic Families – Trapped in the Narcissist’s Toxic Web
The Fauxpology – a devious weapon of the Narcissist
Future Faking – Narcissists make hollow promises about the future
Narcissistic Grooming – How Narcissists Brainwash and Condition their Victims
What is Narcissist Discard and what are the signs?
Narcissist Hoovering – How to Deal With It
Narcissist Triangulation – What it is, why Narcissists do it, and how to deal with it
Narcissistic Abuse – How Narcissists Manipulate and Hurt their Victims
What is Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and How Can I Get Better?
Narcissistic FOG – How Narcissists use Fear, Obligation and Guilt as Weapons
7 Types of Narcissistic Abuse with Practical Examples
What is Narcissistic Projection? The Narcissist’s toxic blame-shifting tactic
What you need to know about Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic Smear Campaign – How To Spot It and What To Do About It
Narcissistic Word Salad – One of the Tools in the Narcissist’s Toolbox
The Definition of Triangulation in Narcissistic Abuse – A Closer Look
Examples of Narcissistic Abuse: The Hidden Dangers in Toxic Relationships
Until reading this post, I’d never before heard of this “future faking” term but learning abt it now has nearly paralyzed me in fear over both the realization that the person I’m so wanting fills this symptom trait’s mold in addition to the love bombing that I realized months ago I’d been a target of per him when we first were getting to know each other.
I’m scared now bc after bringing me to my knees twice now destroying me emotionally both times while discarding me like trash both time too, having spent months after each occasion putting myself back together, he’s for the 3rd time now resumed contact with me & until reading this, despite the fact that I know I’m again risking it all to trust he’ll do right by me finally, I now see he also used this tactic on me, and it’s devastating to learn of.
When i txd him to simply ask if he’d ever heard of this term before, (no), he googled it & later replied it seemed more like a “pop psychology thing”. Idk what he read when he googled it but I’m betting it wasn’t this blog so I dismiss his attempt to trivialize ot as a so called pop psych thing (unsure really what pop psych even is myself).
I just don’t know now I’m so confused and stuck between wanting so badly to trust in him yet damn near PTSD-like as well due to how awful he treated me the 2 times we ceased all communication.
Thanks for bringing this concept to my awareness.
Hi JoAnn, I am truly glad that my post has helped you understand this particular tactic, because it is an important part of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Obviously I do not know the details of your relationship, or even what kind of person this many is, but based on what you have written you seem to be caught in an abusive cycle.
I have not written a post about it yet, but what narcissists do is that they go through the same cycle over and over again. First they love bomb and are the perfect partner, then when the victim is hooked they reveal their true nature, and then they discard. Once the cycle is complete, they wait a bit and start over. JoAnn I realize that this is not what you want to hear, but you need to be aware of this cycle, and you need to have the courage to look at your relationship to assess if this is what is happening to you.
I recommend that you check out the following posts:
https://www.carlacorelli.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery/love-bombing-the-narcissists-trick-to-keep-you-hooked/
https://www.carlacorelli.com/narcissism-glossary/narcissistic-fog-how-the-narcissist-uses-fear-obligation-and-guilt-to-control-their-victim/
https://www.carlacorelli.com/narcissism-glossary/fauxpology/
https://www.carlacorelli.com/narcissism-glossary/what-is-narcissist-discard-and-what-are-the-signs/
https://www.carlacorelli.com/narcissism-glossary/the-trauma-bond-what-is-it-and-how-to-break-free/
There are other posts that might help you, but if you go through these then you will be off to a good start.
Now – re the phrase pop psychology – pop stands for popular. Pop psychology is psychology explained using the language of a layman. So the terms used are simpler, but they refer to very real psychological concepts.
May I also suggest you do not share these posts with him – you are making yourself even more vulnerable to manipulation if you do so.
On a final note, JoAnn, you are not alone. You are welcome on this blog any time. The time has come for you to prioritize yourself and your healing. Sending you my love, Carla
I’m also in treatment for PTSD after my Narcs severe emotional abuse and years of manipulation.. I’m still labeled as the abuser and forced to defend myself after barely enduring my discard and the twisted lies I was fed for so long. They try to recreate their trauma or assumed trauma by transferring it onto their victims and still cry victim themselves.. it’s repulsive and getting worse the more social media hijacks narcissism and turns it into a tool for covert narcs to abuse while being called powerful and getting empowered for their twisted manipulation.. using people for your own growth like pets or scape goats is sick.. after years of promises and lied you don’t know what to think but it’s been the most traumatic and damaging thing a person has ever done to me. These cruel heartless people still cry victim when they’re making you live out your nightmares and abusing you in all the ways they claimed to abused.. there needs to be harsher penalties for people who do this.. KLM type abuse is real and devastating to its victims