The short answer to the question “Can a narcissist feel empathy?” is “Yes.” It is psychopaths who are incapable of feeling empathy, not narcissists.
There is a common misconception that narcissists do not feel empathy because they are selfish. However, this is not true.
The issue with narcissists is that although they can empathize and understand what others are feeling, they simply do not care.
In other words they are very much aware that they are hurting people, but they choose to do it anyway. Their focus is on themselves and their own needs and they are willing to sacrifice whoever is in their way in order to attain what they want.
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It can be a powerful tool for connecting with others, building relationships, and resolving conflicts.
Empathy allows us to see the world from another person’s perspective, which can help us to better understand their thoughts and emotions.
Can a narcissist feel empathy?
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual DSM-5 lists “lacks empathy” as one of the criteria used to diagnose people with narcissistic personality disorder.
However it then goes on to say that in some cases, a narcissist “is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.”
In other words, a narcissist can feel empathy but still choose not to act on it in a caring manner.
Narcissists feel empathy, but use it as a weapon
Anyone who has ever had to deal with a narcissist knows they are experts of the art of manipulation. And understanding what another person is feeling or what is important to them is key when it comes to manipulating them.
For people who do not have a personality disorder, empathy is a positive trait that enables them to feel for others. It is an essential part of our humanity. But for narcissists, empathy is just another weapon in their arsenal, one that they use to control and manipulate others.
So, can narcissists feel empathy? The answer is both yes and no. They are capable of feeling it but in most cases choose not to act on it. And when they do, it is often for despicable purposes.
An example of how a narcissist uses empathy as a weapon
A perfect example of narcissistic empathy in action is on display during the love bombing stage of a relationship. The narcissist will say and do all the right things in order to make their partner feel loved and special. They will go out of their way to shower them with attention and affection.
In such a situation it is clear that the narcissist is skilled at understanding what makes their partner tick. They can sense what makes their partner happy and they use this knowledge to get them hooked.
However once the love bombing stage is over, the narcissist stops caring what their partner feels. From that point onwards, their empathy is used to come up with the best tactics to gaslight and abuse their partner.
An example of how a narcissist uses empathy as a means to an end
Narcissists are also able to use empathy to fake a caring reaction, when it suits them to do so.
For example, they may pretend to be concerned about a friend’s problems in order to gain their trust. Or they may offer help and support to if they see that their friend is struggling.
In these cases, the narcissist is not actually feeling empathy for the other person. They are merely using empathy as a means to an end. And once they have what they want, they will go back to their usual callous and self-centred ways.
Why do narcissists behave this way?
This can be difficult to understand for people who are not narcissists themselves. After all, if you can feel empathy, why wouldn’t you care about others?
The answer lies in the fact that narcissists view other people as objects to be used for their own purposes. They don’t see other people as individuals with their own needs and feelings.
So, while it is true that narcissists are capable of feeling empathy, they do not use it in the same way that most people do. Instead of using it to connect with others and build relationships, they use it to exploit them.
For Further Reading
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
- How to Deal with a Narcissist
- Narcissistic Abuse – How Narcissists Manipulate and Hurt their Victims
- How to Define a Narcissist: The 5 Traits You Need to Look Out For
- How Narcissistic Leaders Create Toxic Workplaces
- The Narcissist and the Enabler – a match made in hell
- Dark Triad Personalities in Romantic Relationships: Are You in Love with a Narcissist?
- The Difference Between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Traits
- Narcissistic Supply – Feeding the Narcissistic Ego
- Narcissistic Injury – The Agony of the Fragile Narcissistic Ego
- 7 Types of Narcissistic Abuse with Practical Examples
- The 10 Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
- 8 Ways Narcissists Get Worse with Age
- Can a Narcissist feel Empathy? The Answer May Surprise You
- Can a Narcissist Love Their Partner? How Narcissism Impacts Relationships
- Warning Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist: How to Tell if He’s a Monster Behind Closed Doors
- The Devious Traits of the Female Narcissist – What to Look Out For
- Narcissist Meme Gallery
- How to Tell If You’re a Narcissist
- Does a narcissist ever truly regret hurting people?
- Can Narcissists Change? The Truth About Personality Disorders and How to Treat Them
- Can a Narcissist Ever Be Happy? Appearances May Be Deceptive
- Red Flag Alert – are you dating a narcissist? What to look out for before falling in love
- Can a Narcissist Be Nice? The Myth of the Generous Narcissist
- Can Two Narcissists Love Each Other and Have a Healthy Relationship?
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