The Communal Narcissist – When Kindness Conceals Manipulation

In our society, we often associate kindness and generosity with positive character traits. People who selflessly help others are celebrated and admired. However, what happens when acts of kindness are used as a cover for manipulation and self-serving motives? Enter the communal narcissist.

Unlike traditional narcissists, who display their grandiosity for all to see and seek constant attention, communal narcissists disguise their self-centeredness by portraying themselves as champions of communal causes.

They exploit the empathy and trust of others, using it to manipulate situations and people to their advantage.

communal narcissist

Characteristics of a Communal Narcissist

Communal narcissists are individuals who present themselves as caring, empathetic, and community-oriented.

They excel at projecting an image of selflessness, attracting admiration and trust from those around them.

However, beneath this benevolent facade lurks a hidden agenda – the pursuit of personal gain, adoration, and power.

Let’s explore the main characteristics of a communal narcissist.


1. Selfless Acts for Personal Gain

Communal narcissists possess an uncanny ability to carefully select acts of kindness that will garner the most attention and praise.

They strategically align themselves with causes or events that are highly regarded in society, ensuring maximum visibility and recognition for their supposed selflessness.

By associating themselves with popular or worthy causes, they create an illusion of genuine care and concern.

This calculated approach allows communal narcissists to bask in the admiration and adoration of others.

They thrive on the attention they receive for their selfless acts, using it as a tool to bolster their self-esteem and feed their insatiable need for validation.

The more recognition they receive, the more powerful and influential they believe themselves to be.


Moreover, communal narcissists are skilled at exploiting the vulnerability and gratitude of those they help.

They capitalize on the natural inclination of individuals to reciprocate kindness, creating a sense of indebtedness and loyalty.

By fostering a dependency on their supposed benevolence, they ensure a constant stream of narcissistic supply in the form of support and admiration from those they manipulate.

communal narcissist volunteering

2. Playing the Victim or Martyr

A communal narcissist has a knack for portraying themself as perpetual sufferers who make great sacrifices for the supposed greater good.

By adopting this camouflage, they exploit the kindness of those around them, gaining sympathy, loyalty, and support to further their own agendas.

These narcissists excel at crafting narratives that evoke pity and sympathy from others. They adeptly highlight their supposed hardships, challenges, or injustices they have faced, painting themselves as victims of circumstance or malicious intent.

By presenting themselves as vulnerable and oppressed, they elicit a strong emotional response from empathetic individuals who feel compelled to come to their aid.

They then exploit the compassion of those around them, leveraging it to their advantage.

The communal narcissist strategically showcases their sacrifices, whether real or exaggerated, to generate admiration and loyalty.

Their ability to portray themselves as martyrs who endure immense suffering for a noble cause bolsters their perceived selflessness and righteousness.

By playing the victim or martyr, communal narcissists effectively manipulate the narrative, diverting attention away from their own self-centered motives.

communal narcissism

3. Emotional Manipulation

Communal narcissists are skilled at understanding and exploiting the genuine emotions of those around them.

They exploit the innate human desire to alleviate pain, offer support, and foster connection, effectively coercink others into meeting their own needs and desires.


One of the primary tactics communal narcissists employ is guilt-tripping. They have an uncanny knack for making others feel responsible or accountable for their emotions, actions, or circumstances.

By strategically using guilt as a weapon, they coerce individuals into complying with their wishes or catering to their demands.

Whether it is through subtle hints, passive-aggressive remarks, or outright accusations, they skillfully manipulate emotions to gain control over others.


Sympathy is another powerful tool that communal narcissists utilize.

Through carefully crafted narratives and selective sharing of personal struggles, they tug at the heartstrings of empathetic individuals.

By arousing sympathy, communal narcissists can extract favors, attention, or resources from those who are compelled to help or support them.


Pity is yet another emotion that communal narcissists exploit to their advantage.

They often play up their vulnerabilities or portray themselves as helpless and in need of constant rescue or intervention.

By eliciting pity, they create a dynamic where others feel compelled to come to their aid or take responsibility for their well-being.

This allows communal narcissists to maintain control over their relationships and manipulate others into fulfilling their desires.

help me

4. Cultivating a Network of Admirers

Communal narcissists cultivate a network of admirers and followers who are drawn to their charismatic and captivating persona.

They attract individuals who crave their approval and validation, creating a sense of dependency and ensuring a continuous supply of admiration and support.

By surrounding themselves with a devoted following, communal narcissists maintain a sense of power and control over those who surround them.

Charm and Charisma

One of the key tactics communal narcissists employ is charming and captivating those they encounter.

They have an innate ability to exude confidence, charisma, and charm, which attracts others to them like moths to a flame.

Their magnetic presence draws people in, and once under their influence, these individuals become enamored and eager to please.

charismatic communal narcissist

Carefully Curated Image

Communal narcissists carefully curate their image and persona to project an image of superiority and success. They showcase their achievements, talents, or unique qualities that make them stand out from the crowd.

This magnetism and allure fascinate others and creates a desire to be associated with them, basking in their reflected glory.

The communal narcissist excels at manipulating the emotions and insecurities of their admirers. They skillfully tap into their desire for acceptance and validation, providing intermittent doses of praise and affirmation to keep them hooked.

By making their followers feel special and valued, communal narcissists create a dynamic where their admirers will go to great lengths to please and appease them.

communal narcissist followers

5. Gaslighting and Distorting Reality

By manipulating the truth and creating confusion, communal narcissists erode the confidence and autonomy of those under their influence, ensuring that they remain subservient and easily controlled.

One of the primary gaslighting techniques used by communal narcissists is the systematic denial or invalidation of their victim’s experiences. They undermine the victim’s reality by consistently negating their emotions, thoughts, or memories.

Through this manipulation, communal narcissists create a sense of self-doubt and uncertainty, causing their victims to question their own sanity and judgment.

Communal narcissists employ various tactics to distort reality. They may selectively omit or twist information, manipulate facts, or conveniently forget past events in order to suit their own narratives.

They use their distorted version of reality to assert dominance and diminish the credibility of their victims. By making others question their own perceptions, communal narcissists effectively weaken their autonomy and render them more susceptible to manipulation.

gaslighting quotes

6. Demanding Loyalty and Obedience

Communal narcissists firmly believe that they deserve the utmost loyalty and obedience from those around them.

They view themselves as the focal point of attention and admiration, expecting others to cater to their every whim and desire. This demand for loyalty is rooted in their insatiable need for validation and control.

To ensure compliance, communal narcissists employ various strategies to manipulate and coerce their followers.

In addition to emotional manipulation and gaslighting, communal narcissists may resort to punishment and exclusion as a means to enforce loyalty and obedience.

They may use passive-aggressive behavior, withdrawal of affection, or social isolation to exert control over their followers. This creates a fear of abandonment and fosters a sense of dependency on the communal narcissist’s approval.

passive aggressive

Defending Yourself Against the Manipulation of a Communal Narcissist

Dealing with a communal narcissist can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to defend yourself from their manipulation and maintain your personal boundaries. Here are some practical tips to help protect yourself:

1. Recognize the Manipulation Tactics

Defending yourself against a communal narcissist begins with the crucial step of recognizing their manipulation tactics.

By educating yourself about the characteristics and behaviors commonly associated with communal narcissists, such as gaslighting, demanding unwavering loyalty, and distorting reality, you empower yourself to identify when they are attempting to manipulate you.

Continuing to educate yourself on narcissism and manipulation is an ongoing process.

Read books, articles, and resources that provide insights into the behavior of communal narcissists.

By expanding your understanding of their tactics and mindset, you can further strengthen your defenses and navigate interactions with them more effectively

communal narcissist

2. Trust Your Own Perception

One of the key tactics communal narcissists employ is to make their victims doubt their own perceptions and experiences.

It can be incredibly disorienting and unsettling when someone constantly undermines your sense of reality.

However, it is vital to trust your own judgment and intuition when dealing with a communal narcissist.

First and foremost, validate your feelings and thoughts. Recognize that your emotions and observations are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

Don’t let the communal narcissist dismiss or invalidate your experiences.

Trust in yourself and always remember that your perspective matters.

trust yourself

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is essential when interacting with a communal narcissist.

It’s important to clearly communicate your limits and make it known what behaviors you will and will not tolerate.

Be assertive in expressing your needs and desires, and don’t let guilt or manipulation sway you.

By setting boundaries, you protect your emotional well-being and prevent the communal narcissist from encroaching further into your life.

It establishes a clear line that they cannot cross and helps maintain your sense of self and autonomy.

Here are some tips for setting clear boundaries with a communal narcissist:

Identify your boundaries. Take some time to reflect on what behaviors or actions are not acceptable to you. This could include disrespectful language, invasion of privacy, or excessive demands.

Communicate assertively. Clearly express your boundaries to the communal narcissist. Use “I” statements to convey how their actions affect you personally. For example, say, “I feel disrespected when you interrupt me during conversations.”

Stay firm. Don’t be swayed by their attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you. Maintain your stance and reinforce your boundaries when necessary. Remember, you have the right to establish and uphold your own limits.

Set consequences. Make it clear that there will be consequences if your boundaries are violated. Whether it’s distancing yourself temporarily or permanently from the narcissist, enforcing consequences reinforces the importance of respecting your boundaries.

setting boundaries

4. Limit Contact and Establish Distance

Reducing contact with a communal narcissist can be an effective way to protect yourself.

By reducing interactions and creating space, you can break free from their manipulative influence.

Here are some ways to effectively implement this strategy:

Minimize social engagements. Avoid attending events or gatherings where the communal narcissist is present. By choosing not to be in their company, you limit opportunities for them to exert their manipulative tactics on you.

Control communication channels. Take charge of how and when you interact with the communal narcissist. Consider setting boundaries around phone calls, emails, or social media. You have the right to choose when and how you engage with them, if at all.

Consider cutting off contact. In severe cases where the communal narcissist’s behavior poses a significant threat to your mental and emotional well-being, you may need to consider cutting off contact completely. This decision should be made after careful consideration, weighing the potential benefits and risks for your own health and safety

limit contact

5. Seek Support from Trusted Individuals

Building a support network of trusted individuals is vital when defending yourself against a communal narcissist.

Building a strong support network can provide validation, guidance, and a sense of grounding in reality.

Here are some ways to effectively seek support:

Identify trustworthy individuals. Look for people in your life who genuinely care about your well-being and have your best interests at heart. These could be close friends, family members, or even professionals such as therapists or counselors.

Confide in them. Open up to your support network about your experiences with the communal narcissist. Share your feelings, thoughts, and concerns. By expressing yourself, you allow others to understand your situation better and provide the support you need.

Seek objective perspectives. Trusted individuals can offer fresh and objective viewpoints on your situation. They may be able to see patterns and dynamics that you might have missed. Their insights can help you validate your own perceptions and maintain a clear understanding of reality.

Join support groups. Consider joining support groups or online communities where individuals share similar experiences with manipulative abuse. Connecting with people who have gone through similar situations can be incredibly empowering and provide a sense of solidarity.

Professional guidance. If the impact of dealing with a communal narcissist becomes overwhelming, consider seeking professional help. Therapists or counselors specializing in narcissistic abuse can provide valuable guidance, coping strategies, and emotional support


6. Practice Self-Care and Self-Reflection

Taking care of yourself is essential when dealing with the manipulation of a communal narcissist.

Engage in self-care activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, and hobbies you enjoy.

Take time to reflect on your own vulnerabilities, triggers, and patterns of behavior.

Understand how the communal narcissist’s manipulation affects you and identify areas where you may be more susceptible. This self-awareness empowers you to make conscious choices and protect yourself from falling into their traps.

Work on cultivating a positive self-image and belief in your own worth.

Surround yourself with positive influences, engage in affirmations, and celebrate your achievements.

Developing a strong sense of self-esteem makes it harder for the communal narcissist to undermine your confidence.

By knowing yourself better, you can develop resilience and protect yourself from falling into the communal narcissist’s traps.

Final Thoughts on the Manipulation Tactics of a Communal Narcissist

It is crucial to remember that true kindness comes from a place of genuine empathy and compassion, not as a means to manipulate or control others.

Communal narcissists may present themselves as generous and caring, but their underlying motivations are driven by the need for validation and power.

By being aware of the existence of communal narcissists and their deceptive tactics, we can better safeguard ourselves and our communities from their harmful influence.

Recognizing the difference between genuine acts of kindness and those performed by communal narcissists helps us maintain healthy boundaries and protect our emotional well-being.

Frequently Asked Questions about Narcissism

Frequently Asked Questions About The Communal Narcissist

What is a communal narcissist?

A communal narcissist is an individual who exhibits narcissistic traits but presents themselves as selfless, caring, and community-oriented. They often seek admiration and validation by appearing generous and helpful, but their underlying motivations are driven by a need for control and superiority.

What is the difference between communal narcissism and other types of narcissism?

Communal narcissism differs from other forms of narcissism, such as grandiose narcissism or vulnerable narcissism, in that communal narcissists primarily seek validation and admiration through appearing generous and caring. They may use their communal acts as a means to elevate their sense of self-worth and maintain control over others.

Can communal narcissists be abusive?

Yes, communal narcissists can be emotionally abusive. Through their manipulation tactics, they erode the self-esteem and independence of their victims. They may engage in passive-aggressive behavior, withdraw affection, or socially isolate their targets to exert control over them.

How can I protect myself from falling victim to a communal narcissist?

Protecting yourself from communal narcissists involves being mindful of red flags, trusting your instincts, setting clear boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. Educating yourself about narcissism and manipulation can also help you recognize the signs and avoid getting entangled in their web of control.

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