How to Cope With Narcissists and The Troop of Monkeys Who Fly to their Aid

Narcissists do not only have an arsenal of manipulation tactics at their disposal, they very often also have a troop of monkeys, metaphorically speaking, who fly to their aid whenever needed.

These flying monkeys, whether knowingly or unknowingly, play a pivotal role in the narcissist’s destructive games, spreading their reach and cementing their control over the victims being targeted.

fly monkeys

Understanding the Concept of Flying Monkeys

The term ‘flying monkeys’ originates from the popular classic movie, “The Wizard of Oz“, where the wicked witch had flying monkeys to carry out her evil plans.

The fact that the monkeys could fly made it easy for them to capture Dorothy and her friends and transport them back to the witch’s lair.

In a similar vein, narcissists recruit their flying monkeys to execute their manipulative tactics and further their abusive agenda.

Flying monkeys can be anyone around the narcissist – friends, family members, colleagues, or even strangers.

They might believe they’re helping to resolve a situation or protect someone they care about.

However, their actions, often unbeknownst to them, serve to amplify the narcissist’s narrative and cause further harm to the victims of narcissistic abuse.

fly monkeys and the narcissist

The Many Ways Flying Monkeys Aid Narcissists

Flying monkeys play a pivotal role in the narcissist’s manipulative machinations.

Here are some of the primary ways they assist:

Propagating Narcissistic Smear Campaigns

The most important goal of a narcissistic smear campaign is that the narcissist’s lies, half-truths, and distorted facts are spread as far and wide as possible.

Flying monkeys are an essential part of the strategy. They serve as the narcissist’s megaphone, amplifying their message and disseminating it to a wider audience.

This could involve spreading rumors, sharing confidential information, or even outright lies on behalf of the narcissist.

Often, flying monkeys believe they are helping or supporting the narcissist.

They may be unaware of the true nature of the situation or have been manipulated into believing the narcissist’s version of events.

This makes them potent tools in the narcissist’s campaign, as their sincere belief in the narcissist’s narrative lends credibility to the smear campaign.

fly monkeys are the megaphones of the narcissist smear campaign

The effects of a smear campaign can be devastating for the victim.

Their reputation may be irreparably damaged, and they may even experience social isolation as a result of the false allegations cooked up by the narcissist.

Furthermore, the psychological impact of being publicly maligned can lead to feelings of helplessness, distress, and anxiety.

For the narcissist, however, a successful smear campaign is a major achievement. It can reinforce their control over their target and maintain their façade of innocence.

It can also allow them to evade accountability for their actions and win them additional support from those deceived by their lies.

fly monkeys help spread lies on social media

Gaslighting and Triangulation

At its core, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation aimed at making the victim doubt their own perceptions, memories, and reality.

It’s a subtle and insidious tactic that gradually erodes the victim’s self-confidence and sense of sanity.

Flying monkeys can be instrumental in this process.

They will echo the narcissist’s lies, reinforcing their distorted version of events, or dismiss the victim’s feelings and experiences.

This collective denial of reality can intensify the gaslighting effect, causing the victim to question their own judgment and trust the narcissist’s narrative instead.

Triangulation is another manipulative strategy commonly used by narcissists.

It involves the use of a third party, who in this case would be a flying monkey, to create tension, stir up conflict, or provoke jealousy.

This tactic serves to destabilize the victim and divert attention away from the narcissist’s actions.

Flying monkeys are used as pawns in this scheme, either wittingly or unwittingly. They may be used to pass along hurtful messages, spread rumors, or even act as a romantic rival.

Their involvement adds another layer of complexity to the situation, making it harder for the victim to see the narcissist’s manipulations clearly.

triangulation definition

The combined effects of gaslighting and triangulation can be devastating for the victim.

They end up feeling confused, isolated, and emotionally drained. Their self-esteem takes a hit, as they struggle with feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt.

Meanwhile, the narcissist maintains control, their manipulative behavior hidden behind the actions of their flying monkeys.

They continue to evade accountability, their image intact and their victims left questioning their own reality.

fly monkey

Enforcing the Narcissist’s Denial

Narcissists use denial as an unconscious defense mechanism to protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame.

To maintain their grandiose self-image, they must always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes.

This pathological distortion of reality allows them to sidestep responsibility and continue their damaging behavior unimpeded.

Flying monkeys, whether they realize it or not, often play a key role in enforcing the narcissist’s denial.

They will downplay the narcissist’s abusive behavior, dismiss the victim’s experiences, or even shift the blame onto the victim.

This reinforcement of the narcissist’s narrative serves to validate their distorted perception of reality.

As a result, the narcissist feels vindicated in their denial, further entrenching their belief in their own innocence and perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

The enforcement of the narcissist’s denial can have profound effects on the victim.

They feel invalidated, confused, and emotionally drained, eventually beginning to question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

Narcissists use denial as an unconscious defense mechanism to protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame.

Coping Strategies for Dealing with Flying Monkeys

Recognizing and dealing with the troop of monkeys who fly around at the narcissist’s bidding is crucial when dealing with a narcissist.

Here are some strategies to help:

Spot the Flying Monkeys

The first step towards self-protection is recognizing those individuals who serve as the narcissist’s flying monkeys.

These people can be identified because they are the ones who support the narcissist unwaveringly, echoing their narrative and engaging in behaviors that cause you distress.

They will spread rumors, dismiss your experiences, or even act as messengers for the narcissist.

Recognizing these patterns is crucial in understanding the dynamics at play and strategizing your response.

flying monkeys and narcissism

Establish Boundaries

Once you’ve identified the flying monkeys, it’s essential to establish firm boundaries.

This might involve limiting contact with these individuals, refusing to engage in discussions centered around the narcissist, or in extreme cases, severing ties completely.

Remember, it’s not about punishing the flying monkeys — it’s about protecting your mental and emotional health.


Build a Support Network

Having a strong support network is a powerful defense against the harmful effects of the flying monkeys’ actions.

Surround yourself with people who understand your situation, validate your experiences, and offer authentic emotional support.

These could be trusted friends, family members, or even online communities of people who have experienced similar situations.

self care support network

Prioritize Self-Care

Dealing with a narcissist and their flying monkeys can be emotionally taxing.

It’s essential to prioritize self-care, ensuring you’re dedicating time to activities that bring you joy, peace, or relaxation.

This could include pursuing a hobby, practicing mindfulness techniques, or maintaining a regular exercise routine.

Remember, your wellbeing is paramount, and it’s okay to put yourself first.

self care exercise

Seek Professional Assistance

If the distress caused by the narcissist and their flying monkeys becomes overwhelming, professional help can be invaluable.

Therapists or psychologists can provide a safe space to express your feelings, as well as equipping you with effective strategies and tools to navigate this challenging situation.

Concluding Thoughts about the Troop of Monkeys Who Fly to the Narcissist’s Aid

In conclusion, dealing with narcissists and the troop of monkeys who fly to their aid can be a daunting task.

However, while the journey through the world of the narcissist and their troop of flying monkeys is difficult, it is not insurmountable

By arming yourself with knowledge, setting boundaries, building a support tribe, prioritizing self-care, and seeking professional guidance when needed, you can navigate this labyrinth and emerge stronger, braver, and more resilient than ever before.

Frequently Asked Questions about Narcissism

Frequently Asked Questions about Flying Monkeys who Fly to the Narcissist’s Aid

What does the term ‘flying monkeys’ refer to?

The term ‘flying monkeys’ is derived from the ‘Wizard of Oz’ movie and is used in psychology to describe individuals who act on behalf of a narcissist, often helping them carry out their manipulative tactics.

Are flying monkeys aware of their role in enabling the narcissist?

Not always. Some flying monkeys may be completely unaware that they are being manipulated by the narcissist. Others might know but choose to ignore it, driven by their own motivations or loyalty to the narcissist.

How can I identify a flying monkey?

Flying monkeys often echo the narcissist’s narrative, spread rumors, dismiss your experiences, or act as messengers for the narcissist. If someone consistently supports the narcissist, even when their behavior is clearly abusive, they may be acting as a flying monkey.

How do I deal with flying monkeys?

Strategies for dealing with flying monkeys include setting firm boundaries, such as limiting contact or refusing to engage in discussions about the narcissist, building a strong support network, prioritizing self-care, and seeking professional help if needed.

Can a flying monkey change?

While it’s possible for a flying monkey to realize their role and change their behavior, it largely depends on their willingness to recognize the manipulation and take steps to distance themselves from the narcissist.

What should I do if a close friend or family member is a flying monkey?

This can be a difficult situation to navigate. Open communication about your concerns can sometimes help, but if they continue to enable the narcissist, you may need to set boundaries or limit contact for your own emotional wellbeing.

How can I protect myself from the harm caused by flying monkeys?

Identifying flying monkeys, establishing boundaries, building a supportive network, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help are all key strategies in protecting yourself from the harmful effects of flying monkeys.

Can professional therapy help in dealing with flying monkeys?

Yes, therapists or psychologists who specialize in narcissistic abuse can help you navigate the complex dynamics involved and provide effective strategies to cope with flying monkeys.

Is it okay to cut ties with flying monkeys?

Yes, if maintaining a relationship with a flying monkey is causing you significant distress, it’s absolutely okay to cut ties to protect your mental and emotional health.

Are flying monkeys also victims of the narcissist?

In some cases, yes. Flying monkeys can also be manipulated and emotionally abused by the narcissist. However, their role in enabling the narcissist’s behavior often causes harm to other victims of the narcissist.

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