The Flying Monkeys of a Narcissist – What They Are and How to Deal With Them

Are you familiar with the term “flying monkeys”? No, we’re not talking about the creatures from “The Wizard of Oz.” In the post we shall be talking about the flying monkeys who act as the enablers and minions of a narcissist.

Just like the wicked witch in the movie, narcissists use flying monkeys as a way to target, intimidate, control, and manipulate their victims.

Flying monkeys may engage in various narcissistic abuse tactics, such as spreading rumors, gaslighting, attacking the victim’s character, or even overtly confronting and intimidating the victim.

flying monkeys narcissist

The Narcissist and their Flying Monkeys

A flying monkey is a person who supports a narcissist and participates in their abusive agenda.

These people are recruited by the narcissist and can come from various spheres of the narcissist’s life, including:

Family Members

Narcissists often manipulate their family members into becoming flying monkeys.

They could be parents, siblings, or even children who are coerced or brainwashed into believing and supporting the narcissist’s version of reality.

Friends and Acquaintances

Narcissists are skilled at charming people and forming relationships based on mutual benefit.

They may enlist friends or acquaintances to do their bidding, whether it’s spreading rumors, monitoring the victim, or ganging up against them.

Co-workers and Colleagues

In workplace settings, narcissists may have co-workers or colleagues who become their flying monkeys.

These individuals may collude with the narcissist to undermine the victim’s credibility, sabotage their work, or fuel office gossip.

Romantic Partners

Narcissists often seek out romantic partners who are vulnerable or easily manipulated.

These partners may become their most loyal and dedicated flying monkeys, executing the narcissist’s plans and strategies without question.

love bombing

Online Communities

The rise of social media has provided narcissists with a platform to recruit and mobilize flying monkeys from online communities.

These individuals may engage in cyberbullying, harassment, or other harmful activities on behalf of the narcissist.

It’s important to note that flying monkeys may not be aware of the true nature and intentions of the narcissist, or of the harm they are causing the victim.

They may genuinely believe they are supporting a friend or loved one, unaware of the manipulation at play.

Benevolent Flying Monkeys

Benevolent flying monkeys are individuals who unwittingly become accomplices to a narcissist, unintentionally aiding in perpetuating their manipulative behavior and advancing their narcissistic agenda.

The following are main traits of such individuals and how the narcissist takes advantage of them.


A benevolent flying monkey typically exhibits a natural inclination towards people-pleasing and codependency.

Their deep-rooted desire to please and cater to the needs of others makes them susceptible to being manipulated by narcissists.

Narcissists recognize this vulnerability and exploit it to further their own agenda.

They skillfully manipulate the benevolent flying monkey, using tactics such as guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail, to ensure their compliance.

The narcissist effectively turns the people-pleaser into a weapon, utilizing their desire to please as a means to achieve their self-centered desires.


Empathy and Compassion

Benevolent flying monkeys commonly possess a natural inclination towards empathy and compassion.

These individuals genuinely care about others and have an innate ability to understand and connect with their emotions.

However, it is precisely this trait that the narcissist exploits to manipulate them.

The narcissist skillfully appeals to the kind-heartedness of the flying monkey by portraying themselves as victims, evoking sympathy and compassion.

They use emotional manipulation techniques to keep the flying monkey engaged and invested in their narrative.

By presenting themselves as the one in need of support and understanding, the narcissist gains the loyalty and unwavering support of the flying monkey.

The empathetic nature of the flying monkey makes them susceptible to the narcissist’s tactics.

They are more likely to believe the narcissist’s stories, internalize their pain, and feel compelled to alleviate their suffering.

The narcissist capitalizes on this vulnerability, using it as leverage to control and manipulate the flying monkey, ensuring their continued support and compliance.

empathy statements

Trust and Loyalty

Benevolent flying monkeys often exhibit a strong sense of loyalty and trust, particularly towards the narcissist.

They believe in the goodness or intentions of the narcissist, which makes them more susceptible to manipulation.

The narcissist strategically capitalizes on this loyalty, creating a sense of dependency and reliance on their presence and approval.

They employ various tactics to reinforce the belief that their actions are justified or necessary, effectively trapping the flying monkey in a web of manipulation.

By cultivating a sense of trust, the narcissist convinces the flying monkey that they are the only ones who truly understand their needs and emotions.

They exploit this trust, using it as leverage to further their own agenda and manipulate the flying monkey into enabling their behaviors.

The flying monkey, driven by their loyalty, becomes entangled in the dynamics of the relationship.

They inadvertently enable the narcissist’s actions, often rationalizing or justifying their behavior to protect the relationship.

This further deepens the ties of manipulation and reinforces the narcissist’s control over the flying monkey

flying monkeys narcissist

Sources of Narcissistic Supply

One of the most important roles of the benevolent flying monkey is providing the narcissist with a steady stream of narcissistic supply.

This term refers to the emotional validation, admiration, and attention that narcissists crave to fuel their fragile self-esteem.

With their empathetic and compassionate nature, benevolent flying monkeys are naturally inclined to offer support, care, and validation to those around them.

The narcissist cunningly exploits these qualities to their advantage, manipulating the flying monkey into becoming a constant source of emotional fuel for their bottomless pit of the narcissistic ego.

man in a monkey costume

The Role of the Benevolent Flying Monkey in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Benevolent flying monkeys play a pivotal role in enabling and perpetuating the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

They act as the allies and enablers of the narcissist, reinforcing their abusive tactics and gaslighting the victim.

love bombing

1. Love Bombing and Grooming: Creating an Illusion of Perfection

During the initial stages of the relationship between the narcissist and their target, the flying monkeys are instrumental in supporting the narcissist’s love bombing and grooming tactics.

They act as cheerleaders, praising the narcissist and presenting them as a perfect partner to the victim.

By neutralizing any negative information about the narcissist’s past relationships, they help create an illusion of an idealized, soulmate-like connection.

This manipulation hooks the victim and establishes a strong emotional bond with the narcissist.

love trap

2. Validation and Gaslighting: Reinforcing Manipulation

Once the victim is entangled in the relationship, the flying monkeys serve as a source of validation for the narcissist’s gaslighting tactics.

When the victim questions the abuse or starts to doubt their own perception, the flying monkeys swing into action.

They dismiss the victim’s concerns, minimize the abuse, and insist that the narcissist has good intentions.

By constantly praising the narcissist, they further reinforce the victim’s self-doubt and confusion, making it difficult for them to recognize the abuse they are experiencing.

narcissistic gaslighting

3. Discard and Blame-Shifting: Continuation of the Cycle

When the narcissist discards the victim and moves on to a new source of supply, the flying monkeys play a crucial role in shifting the blame and protecting the narcissist’s image.

They paint the ex-partner as the sole cause of the relationship’s failure, vilifying them and absolving the narcissist of any responsibility.

This allows the narcissist to perpetuate their victim narrative, maintaining their illusion of innocence and victimhood.

blame game

4. The Role of Benevolent Flying Monkeys in Enabling the Narcissist’s DARVO Technique

Benevolent flying monkeys also play into the narcissist’s manipulation of their victim through the deployment of the DARVO technique.

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

It is a tactic commonly used by abusers to discredit and silence their victims.

By denying any wrongdoing, attacking the victim’s character, and reversing the roles of victim and offender, the narcissist effectively gaslights and discredits the victim.

The benevolent flying monkeys, believing the narcissist’s lies, reinforce this narrative, further isolating the victim and making it challenging for them to find support or validation for their experiences.

angry chimp

Malevolent Flying Monkeys

Malevolent flying monkeys are individuals who actively and intentionally participate in supporting and enabling the manipulative behavior of the narcissist.

Unlike benevolent flying monkeys, who may be unwittingly pulled into the narcissist’s web, malevolent flying monkeys willingly engage in harmful actions to further the narcissist’s agenda.

These individuals may share a similar mindset or personality traits with the narcissist, such as a lack of empathy, a desire for power or control, or a need to manipulate others.

As a result they will not hesitate to actively contribute to the gaslighting, blame-shifting, and psychological abuse inflicted upon the victim.

Understanding the main characteristics of malevolent flying monkeys can shed light on their behavior and the detrimental impact they have on victims.


1. Lack of Empathy

Malevolent flying monkeys often lack empathy, which allows them to disregard the feelings and well-being of the victim.

They are unable or unwilling to understand the pain and suffering experienced by the victim as a result of the narcissistic abuse.

This lack of empathy enables them to engage in harmful actions without remorse or consideration for the consequences.

2. Desire for Power and Control

Malevolent flying monkeys may possess a deep-seated desire for power and control.

They derive satisfaction from participating in the narcissist’s manipulation and exerting influence over others.

By aligning themselves with the narcissist, they gain a sense of importance and dominance, often at the expense of the victim’s well-being.


3. Willingness to Manipulate and Gaslight

Malevolent flying monkeys actively engage in manipulation and gaslighting tactics to further the narcissist’s agenda.

They distort the truth, spread rumors, or fabricate stories to discredit the victim and protect the narcissist.

By sowing doubt and confusion, they contribute to the victim’s feelings of isolation and self-doubt, making it more challenging for them to recognize the abuse they are experiencing.

character assassination

4. Participation in Character Assassination

Malevolent flying monkeys will engage in character assassination, launching personal attacks on the victim’s reputation, credibility, and self-esteem.

They will not hesitate to spread false information, engage in smear campaigns, or publicly shame the victim to undermine their credibility and isolate them further.

Their aim is to destroy the victim’s support network and ensure their continued loyalty to the narcissist.

Their actions contribute to the victim’s ongoing psychological trauma and perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

flying monkeys narcissist

5. Abuse by Proxy

Malevolent flying monkeys will willingly stalk, harass, or even physically harm the narcissist’s target without hesitation.

In some cases, they may even take it upon themselves to initiate these actions without direct instruction from the narcissist.

The malevolent flying monkeys’ loyalty and dedication to the narcissist’s cause drive them to engage in disturbing behaviors such as cyberstalking, revenge porn dissemination, and other forms of online harassment.

flying monkeys narcissist

Their willingness to stoop to any means necessary demonstrates the depths of their malevolence.

In addition, malevolent flying monkeys can also play a significant role in perpetuating institutional abuse by proxy.

This includes lying under oath in court proceedings, signing false affidavits, making fabricated reports to child protective services or the police, all with the aim of further damaging the victim’s credibility and obstructing their path to justice.

Their active involvement in the manipulation of legal and institutional systems adds another layer of complexity and harm to the victim’s experience.

man in a costume

How to Deal with Narcissist Flying Monkeys

Dealing with flying monkeys can be challenging. However, it is crucial to take steps to protect yourself and break free from their harmful influence.

Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Recognize Their Loyalty to the Narcissist

The first step in dealing with flying monkeys is to recognize that their loyalty lies with the narcissist, not with you.

It may be difficult to accept that people you once considered friends or close acquaintances have shifted their allegiance, but acknowledging this reality is essential.


2. Limit Interaction and Set Boundaries

To reduce their impact on your life, limit your interaction with flying monkeys.

This may involve unfriending or blocking them on social media platforms.

If necessary, consider breaking off contact with them completely, particularly if they are individuals you see regularly.

Setting firm boundaries helps protect your well-being and prevents further harm.


3. Cut Off Communication Completely

In more severe cases, it may be necessary to cut off all communication with flying monkeys.

This includes blocking them on social media platforms, changing your phone number if needed, and even considering a change of location if stalking or harassment has occurred.

Taking these measures can safeguard your mental and emotional well-being.

how does a narcissist handle rejection and no contact

4. Seek Support from Trusted Allies

Surround yourself with a supportive network of trusted allies who understand the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.

Share your experiences and concerns with those who will provide empathy and validation.

Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can also be beneficial in processing the trauma experienced and developing effective coping mechanisms

support system during a divorce

Final thoughts on Narcissist Flying Monkeys

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and the role of flying monkeys is crucial for victims seeking to break free from the toxic grip of a narcissist.

The narcissist relies on their flying monkeys to bolster their manipulative tactics, control their victims, and maintain a façade of power and influence.

Flying monkeys, driven by their own motivations or blind loyalty to the narcissist, actively participate in spreading lies, engaging in character assassination, and perpetuating further abuse.

Victims must recognize that flying monkeys are not their friends, and that their allegiance lies with the narcissist.

By setting boundaries, limiting contact, and ultimately cutting off communication, victims can begin to reclaim their power and protect themselves from further harm.

Sharing is caring!

Leave a comment