When I first realised that my father was a narcissist and that his personality disorder was the underlying cause of all the inexplicably horrible things that happened to me as a child, I cried tears of relief. I read article after article about narcissistic families, recognising the standard cast of characters – the narcissistic parent, the enabler parent, the golden child and the scapegoat child.
I was the scapegoat.
Suddenly I realised I was not alone. It was clear that there were other people out there who had experienced the same type of emotional abuse, in some cases inflicted by their narcissistic father, just like me. These people had also been scapegoats on the altar of their parent’s narcissism.
Gaslighting, abuse by proxy, unreasonable narcissistic rage – I had experienced them all and now I knew that it had not been my imagination. It was not because I was “sensitive” or “excessively touchy”. The negative self talk that had plagued me for years was yet another symptom of the abuse.
As I started following different online communities of adult children of narcissists (ACoNs) I got to know many DoNF (Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers) survivors and we shared our stories and helped each other process and come to terms with our past.
My father was a narcissist and that explained it all!
My parents insisted that I was exaggerating and making it all up. However now I know that the pain I suffered had not been a figment of my imagination. It had happened and it had a name – narcissistic abuse. For the first time ever I felt that I would finally be able to move on.
I believe that it is very important that people who have experienced narcissistic abuse speak up, shining a light for those who have been hurt and victimised just like we were. Narcissism is a curse wreaking havoc all over the world.
The narcissist in your life could be your father, your mother, your partner or a work colleague. It does not matter who they are. Invariably a narcissist will feed off your energy and destroy your self-worth. Narcissistic abuse is difficult to pin down or even describe, and yet it’s impact is soul destroying.
What next?
So if you ran a search on Google trying to work out if your father is a narcissist too, and found this post, or if you found it through an online narcissistic abuse support group then please know that you are not alone. Feel free to reach out – I will be delighted to hear from you.
You can also join one of the many online communities where narcissistic abuse survivors just like us share their stories and support each other.
You might also want to check out the following posts about the impact of childhood distress and trauma on children:
- CAPDR – Child affected by parental relationship distress
- Adverse Childhood Experiences and PTSD: What’s the Connection?
- The Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Puberty
- Learning how to Trust and Love after Adverse Childhood Experiences
- SoNM (Sons of Narcissistic Mothers)
- SoNF (Sons of Narcissistic Fathers)
- DoNF (Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers)
- ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists)
- The narcissistic family scapegoat
- The narcissistic family golden child
- Narcissistic family dynamics
For Further Reading:
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