How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Neighbour – Strategies for Staying Calm and Reasonable

Living next door to a toxic person can be difficult. They always seem to be complaining about something, and they never seem to understand when you set clear boundaries. It can be easy to get drawn into a cycle of retaliation with a narcissistic neighbour, but this is rarely helpful.

If you want to maintain your sanity and stay calm and reasonable, follow these strategies!

Signs that your neighbour might be a narcissist

You’ve just moved to a new neighbourhood and you’re getting to know your neighbours.

One of them, in particular, seems to be a bit…off.

They always seem to be looking for an opportunity to start a conversation with you, but it never feels like they’re actually interested in anything you have to say.

Conversations with them turn into a monologue of them telling you how brilliant or successful they are.

They always want to be the centre of attention, and they love talking about themselves.

They also seem to have a problem with boundary-crossing. They’re always coming over uninvited or asking personal questions that make you feel uncomfortable.

You also get the sense that they are constantly trying to one-up you.


If you tell them about a problem you’re having, they always have a story about how they dealt with a similar problem that was so much worse.

If you tell them you are going on vacation, they will reply that they are going on a much better vacation.

In short, your narcissistic neighbour is always trying to make themselves look and feel better by making you look and feel worse.

However, it does not stop there.

They are also usually the only ones on the street who do not follow the rules – they park in reserved spots or have their music blaring late at night.

They put their rubbish out whenever they please and they never pick up after their dog.

If your neighbour exhibits any of these behaviours, there is a good chance that they are a narcissist.

How should you deal with your narcissistic neighbour?

Don’t take the bait

Narcissists love to get a rise out of people. They love drama, and they will go out of their way to try to start arguments or provoke a reaction.

The best way to deal with this is to simply not take the bait.

Don’t engage with them, and don’t let them see that they are getting to you.

This can be difficult, but it is important. If you engage with them, they will only escalate the situation.

It can be tempting to try and reason with a narcissist, or to try and have an adult conversation. However, this is usually a waste of time.

Narcissists do not respond well to reason or logic, and they are not interested in having an adult conversation.

They only want to win, and they will say whatever it takes to do that.

So, the best thing you can do is to simply ignore them. This will be difficult, but it is the best way to deal with a narcissistic neighbour.

How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Neighbour

Kill them with kindness

Narcissists hate to be ignored. If you start ignoring them, there is a chance that they will try even harder to get your attention.

They might start leaving passive-aggressive notes on your door, or they might start making snide comments to you when they see you.

If this happens, it might be a good idea to try a different strategy and kill them with kindness. Be extra nice to them, and go out of your way to be friendly.

This will probably make them even more annoyed, but it is one of the best ways to disarm a narcissist.


Keep your distance

Even if you are being extra nice to them, it is important to keep your distance.

Narcissists are often very charming, and they can be very convincing.

They might try to suck you into their world, and before you know it, you will be the one listening to them talk about themselves for hours on end.

They might also try to involve you in their drama, or get you to take sides in an argument with some other unfortunate neighbour.

It is important to remember that you are not obligated to be friends with your neighbours.

You can be polite and friendly, but you don’t have to let them into your life.


Be assertive and set boundaries

It is important to be assertive with narcissists, as they will try to take advantage of you if you are not.

Set clear boundaries with them and be firm about what you will and will not tolerate.

For example, if they are always coming over uninvited, make it clear that you are not comfortable with this and that you would prefer if they called first.

If they continue to do it, start making excuses and do not let them into the house – say you are busy, or you have other plans.

It is also important to be assertive in conversation. If they start to monopolize the conversation, or make it all about them, politely excuse yourself and walk away.

Do not engage with them if they start to argue with you – this will only escalate the situation.

Keep documentation

If you have problems with your narcissistic neighbour, it is important to keep documentation.

This can be in the form of emails, texts, or even recordings. This will be helpful if the situation ever escalates and you need to involve law enforcement.

It is also important to keep documentation of any agreements you have with your neighbour.

For example, if they agree to not play their music loudly after a certain time, make sure you have this in writing. This will help to avoid any future problems.


Build an alliance with other neighbours

If you have a narcissistic neighbour, it is important to build an alliance with other neighbours.

This way, you can share information and support each other. It is also a good idea to have someone to back you up if the situation ever escalates.

Do not get caught in a vicious cycle of retaliation

It is important to avoid getting into a vicious cycle of retaliation with your narcissistic neighbour.

This will only make the situation worse, and it will give them the satisfaction of knowing that they are getting to you.

If your narcissistic neighbour starts to get on your nerves, try to stay calm and reasonable. This can be difficult, but it is important to maintain clear boundaries.

Explain to your neighbour what you need from them and be assertive in enforcing these boundaries.


If the situation escalates call the police

If your neighbour goes too far and the situation is spiralling out of control, you might have to call the police.

This should be a last resort, but sometimes it is necessary. If you are in fear for your safety, or if your property is being damaged, you must take action to protect yourself.

The Bottom Line – Don’t let your narcissistic neighbour get under your skin

We all hope to live in peace and harmony with our neighbours, but sometimes it simply is not possible.

If you have a narcissistic neighbour, the best thing you can do is to try and stay calm and reasonable.

Set clear boundaries, and do not engage with them if they start to argue with you.

Keep documentation of any problems, and build an alliance with other neighbours. If the situation ever escalates, call the police.

Hopefully with time the narcissist will lose interest in you and move on to someone else. In the meantime, just try to keep your head down and don’t let them get to you.

Frequently Asked Questions about Narcissism

Frequently Asked Questions about Dealing With a Narcissistic Neighbour

How can I deal with a narcissistic neighbour?

Maintaining boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic neighbour. Keep interactions minimal and avoid engaging in arguments. It’s also important to stay calm and composed during any unavoidable interactions.

How do I set boundaries with a narcissistic neighbour?

Setting boundaries involves clearly communicating your expectations and sticking to them. This could mean limiting conversations to necessary topics, not allowing them into your personal space, or refusing to engage in their manipulative games.

Should I confront a narcissistic neighbour about their behaviour?

While you may feel the urge to confront a narcissistic neighbour about their behavior, it’s often unproductive as they typically lack self-awareness and are resistant to criticism. It’s usually more effective to maintain your boundaries and seek support from other neighbours or local authorities if necessary.

What should I do if a narcissistic neighbour is causing trouble in the community?

If a narcissistic neighbour is causing trouble, it may be helpful to document instances of inappropriate behavior and involve local authorities or your homeowners association if necessary. Remember, it’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

How can I help my children deal with a narcissistic neighbour?

Teach your children about boundaries and the importance of treating others with respect. Encourage them to avoid engaging in conflicts with the neighbour and let them know they can always come to you with their concerns.

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