How Sociopaths and Narcissists Use Gaslighting to Control Their Victims

Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of emotional abuse that is often used by sociopaths and narcissists to control their victims. It is a psychological manipulation tactic where the abuser slowly and methodically convinces their victim that they are going crazy or losing their mind.

The term “gaslighting” is derived from a 1938 play and subsequent movie called “Gas Light.” In the story, a husband repeatedly dims the gas lights in the house and insists that the lights are as bright as ever of it when his wife mentions it. As a result, the wife starts to question her sanity and perception of reality.

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What are Sociopaths?

Sociopaths are individuals who have a personality disorder characterized by antisocial behavior, lack of empathy or remorse for their actions, and a disregard for societal norms and rules.

They often exhibit traits such as impulsive behaviour, superficial charm, and a tendency to manipulate others to achieve their goals.

Sociopaths can be dangerous and may engage in criminal behaviour without experiencing feelings of guilt or remorse.

What are Narcissists?

Narcissists have a personality disorder that manifests as a grandiose sense of self-importance, a preoccupation with power, success, and attractiveness, and a lack of empathy for others. They often exhibit traits such as arrogance, entitlement, and a need for admiration from others.

Narcissists exploit others for their own gain, and may become angry or defensive when their self-esteem is threatened.

What is the Difference between Narcissists and Sociopaths?

While narcissists and sociopaths share certain characteristics, they differ in their level of empathy, their reasons for manipulation and aggression, their emotional needs, and their ability to form and maintain relationships.

The following are the main differences between narcissists and sociopaths.

Sense of Self-Importance. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they deserve admiration and respect from others. Sociopaths also believe they are superior, but do not actively seek admiration from others because they do not crave reassurance and validation in the same way as a narcissist does.

Empathy. Narcissists have a diminished ability to empathise with others, and will not hesitate to exploit and manipulate others for their own gain. Sociopaths have no empathy whatsoever and they do not feel any remorse for their actions, which is why they are able to harm others without feeling any guilt.

Manipulation. Narcissists manipulate others to boost their ego and protect their self-image. Sociopaths, on the other hand, engage in manipulative behaviour to gain power and control over others.

Charm. Narcissists possess a superficial charm that makes them attractive and engaging to others. Sociopaths may also be charming, but their charm is usually a tool they use to manipulate and exploit others.

Risk-Taking. Sociopaths are much more prone to take extreme risks than narcissists, because they are very impulsive and a total disregard for consequences.

How do Narcissists and Sociopaths use Gaslighting?

Narcissists and sociopaths use several tactics to gaslight their victims. The following are some examples of how they do this.

Denial

Denial is a common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths to gaslight their victims. They may deny that certain events or conversations ever took place, or even deny something they said or did just moments ago. By doing so, they create confusion and doubt in their victim’s mind, making them question their own memory and perception of reality.

This can be especially effective if the victim does not have any physical evidence to support their claims, or if the gaslighter is particularly skilled at convincing and manipulating their victim. Over time, repeated denial and gaslighting can cause the victim to lose confidence in their own memory and cognitive abilities.

Blaming

Narcissists and sociopaths often use blaming as a way to manipulate and control their victim’s emotions and actions. By portraying themselves as the victim and shifting the blame onto their victim, they can make the victim feel guilty or responsible for something they did not do. This can further perpetuate the cycle of gaslighting and make the victim feel helpless and powerless.

Withholding

By keeping crucial information from the victim, the gaslighter is able to shape the narrative and manipulate the victim’s perception of reality. In some cases, the abuser may selectively disclose certain pieces of information, while withholding others that would contradict their version of events. This tactic is particularly effective because it deals in half-truths and insinuations that can be very difficult for the victim to decipher.

Projection

Projection is another gaslighting tactic commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. They project their own faults, mistakes, or bad behaviours onto their victim. For example, if the gaslighter is cheating on their partner, they may accuse their partner of being unfaithful. Over time, the victim may begin to internalize the gaslighter’s projections and feel like they are the ones at fault, rather than the gaslighter.

Minimising

Gaslighting can involve convincing the victim that they are being overly sensitive or that their emotional response is unjustified. Narcissists and sociopaths will dismiss their victim’s feelings as irrational or illogical, making the victim doubt their emotions and perceptions, leading to feelings of confusion and self-doubt

What Can You Do if You are a Victim of Gaslighting?

If you find yourself being gaslit, it’s important to take action to protect your emotional well-being. As someone who has experienced gaslighting first-hand, I know how difficult it can be to recognize and break free from this type of emotional manipulation.

Here are some strategies that have helped me:

First and foremost, trust your instincts. Keep a record of your experiences, and don’t let someone else’s perception of reality override your own. It’s important to validate your feelings and perceptions, even if someone is telling you that you’re being irrational or overreacting. It’s okay to set boundaries and limit contact with the gaslighter to reduce their ability to manipulate you.

Another strategy that has helped me is to seek the support of trusted friends or family members. Talking to someone you trust can help you feel validated and safe. It’s important to share your experiences with those who will believe and support you.

Additionally, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial if you’re struggling to cope with the effects of gaslighting. A mental health professional can help you process your experiences and provide coping strategies to help you move forward.

Lastly, I’ve found that practicing self-care and engaging in activities that make me feel good about myself has been immensely helpful. Things like exercise, meditation, reading, and spending time with loved ones can all help boost your self-confidence and remind you that you are worthy of care and respect.

Final Thoughts on Dealing with Narcissists and Sociopaths

Dealing with narcissists and sociopaths can be one of the most challenging and emotionally draining experiences one can face. As someone who has been on the receiving end of gaslighting and emotional manipulation, I know how difficult it can be to recognize the behaviour and to break free from it.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when dealing with a narcissist or sociopath is to trust your instincts. These individuals are masters at manipulating others and may try to convince you that you are the problem. However, your feelings and perception of reality are valid, and recognizing this is the first step in breaking free from the cycle of gaslighting.

Dealing with a narcissist or sociopath can be a long and gruelling journey, but it is possible to come out the other side stronger and more resilient. Making it through involves setting boundaries, limiting contact, and practicing self-care. It’s not easy, but with time and support, healing is possible.