The Ripple Effect: Long-Term Consequences of Narcissistic Parenting on Daughters

Last updated on October 8th, 2024

Growing up with a narcissistic mother inevitably has damaging effects on the emotional and mental health of her daughter.

The manipulation and abuse that the child endures inevitably leads to various psychological issues that persist into adulthood, such as feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, emotional instability and difficulty in forming meaningful relationships.

In extreme cases, it can even result in depression or anxiety disorders.

1. A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

A narcissist mother does not express unconditional love and affection to her daughter.

As far as she is concerned, her daughter is simply an extension of herself and exists to meet her needs.

She may even see showing her any kind of love or affection as a sign of weakness.

As a result the child does not feel safe or secure in her relationship with her mother, so she learns to protect herself by distancing herself emotionally.

This leads to her forming a fearful avoidant attachment style, which she unfortunately carries with her into adulthood.

The impact of a fearful avoidant attachment style is significant, because it makes it very difficult for these women to trust others and bond with them.

They have a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, and as a result, they find it difficult to let anyone get too close.

They also find it difficult to open up and share their feelings, and are hypervigilant and constantly on guard.

This puts a lot of pressure on their relationships and can make it very difficult to sustain them, leading to a cycle of unhealthy relationships where the individual is constantly searching for something that they are afraid they will never find.

2. Struggles to Set Boundaries

Another impact of having a narcissistic mother is that her daughter will have difficulty setting boundaries.

Narcissistic mothers expect their daughters to meet their every need, and will get angry or sulky if they don’t.

They often want to live vicariously through their daughters, and will push them to achieve things that their mothers were themselves never able to.

The result is that the daughter grows up feeling guilty if she says no or sets any kind of boundary.

She is trained to feel guilty for disappointing her mother if she doesn’t do what she wants or meet her expectations.

This often leads to the child becoming a people-pleaser who struggles to assert herself.

As a result, when the girl grows up, she will tend to find it difficult to say no to people in general, which of course leads to problems in both her personal and professional life.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers also often have difficulty setting boundaries with their own children.

They find themselves constantly giving in to their demands, even when they are not really sure if it is the right thing to do.

The result is that they can end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful, and their own children may also struggle to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and boundary setting skills.

Thus, the intergenerational trauma gets passed on from one generation to the next.

3. At Risk of Becoming Codependent

Daughters of narcissistic mothers often struggle with seeking approval from others due to lack of approval from their mothers growing up.

They have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults because they are constantly looking for the validation that they were never given by their mothers during childhood.

This need for approval can lead them down unhealthy paths such as trying too hard at work or getting into bad relationships just for the sake of companionship.

In fact, one of the dangers of being raised by a narcissistic mother is that you can become codependent.

What is Codependency?

Codependency occurs when you have an unhealthy dependence on someone else, usually someone who is emotionally unavailable or abusive.

The result is an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship where one person is always giving and the other is always taking.

Codependency usually starts in childhood, when a child has an emotionally unavailable or abusive parent.

The child learns that it is their job to keep their parent happy, so they become overly compliant and accommodating.

They may even feel responsible for their parent’s happiness and go out of their way to try and meet their needs.

When they grow up, these codependent daughters of narcissistic mothers become more vulnerable to unhealthy relationships and inner struggles.

They often struggle to trust their own judgment, or even recognize their own needs.

As adults, they find themselves seeking approval from others in unhealthy ways, such as indulging them in inappropriate requests or sacrificing their own boundaries out of a need to please.

They may also experience difficulty expressing emotion, leading to a suppressed anger that can lead to depression or anxiety.

4. At Risk of Becoming a Narcissist Herself

One of the most damaging things about having a narcissistic mother is that her daughter is at risk of becoming a narcissist herself.

This is because she has learned from her mother that the only way to get love and attention is to be perfect.

She has also learned that it is acceptable to use people to meet her own needs, and that it is okay to manipulate and control others.

As a result, she may begin to display narcissistic traits such as entitlement, a lack of empathy and an inability to take responsibility for her own actions.

She may also find herself attracted to partners who are narcissistic, as they will be able to understand and relate to her in a way that other people can’t.

This can lead to a cycle of unhealthy and abusive relationships, since narcissists are not able to form healthy emotional bonds.

There is Hope

Despite the challenges posed by being raised by a narcissistic mother, daughters can absolutely overcome these effects and move toward a healthy, fulfilled future.

It is essential to prioritize self-awareness and acknowledge the impact of past experiences without letting them define your present or future.

By seeking professional therapy or counseling, you can develop coping strategies and gain insights into your behaviors and emotions. Additionally, building a supportive network of friends and loved ones who understand and validate your experiences can provide the emotional sustenance needed during this healing journey.

Remember, healing is a gradual process that requires patience and commitment, but with the right resources and mindset, you can break free from the shadows of the past and create a vibrant, flourishing life.

Carla Corelli

Carla Corelli, a writer, advocate, and survivor of narcissistic abuse, draws from her own upbringing with a narcissistic father to shed light on psychological trauma. Fueled by her personal journey, she pursued a degree in psychology and has dedicated herself to shedding light on the complexities of narcissistic abuse.
With over fifteen years of experience in writing and advocating for survivors, Carla is deeply committed to providing support, education, and empowerment to those who have endured similar trauma. Through her articles, Carla aims to offer a compassionate space for healing and growth, while advocating for greater awareness and understanding of narcissistic abuse.
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