Are You Dealing with a Covert Narcissist? Take the Test and Find Out

1. Playing the Victim

When evaluating whether a person often plays the victim to garner sympathy, there are several key behaviors and patterns to look out for:

1. Emotional Manipulation: The person frequently shares stories of personal hardship or injustice, often embellishing details to make themselves appear more helpless or wronged than they actually are.

2. Deflection of Responsibility: They often blame others for their problems or failures, refusing to take accountability for their actions. They might say things like “It’s not my fault” or “They’re against me.”

3. Excessive Need for Sympathy or Validation: They may constantly seek reassurance, comfort, or validation from others, usually in response to perceived slights or injustices.

4. Dramatization: They might dramatize situations to make themselves seem more pitiful or disadvantaged. This could involve undue exaggeration or even outright fabrication of events.

5. Frequent Complaints: They may consistently complain about their circumstances, yet never take steps to improve their situation.

6. Using Their Victimhood to Manipulate: They might use their status as a “victim” to manipulate others into doing what they want, often making the other person feel guilty or obliged to help.

Remember, occasional instances of these behaviors can be quite normal and do not necessarily indicate covert narcissism. However, a consistent pattern of these behaviors could be a sign to consider.

Does this person often play the victim to garner sympathy?

2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

When trying to spot if a person demonstrates passive-aggressive behaviors, here are several key signs to look out for:

1. Sarcasm or Disguised Insults: They might frequently use sarcasm or veiled insults that can be hurtful to others but still allow them to maintain a facade of politeness or innocence.

2. Silent Treatment: They may give the silent treatment or withdraw from conversations as a form of punishment when they’re upset or not getting their way.

3. Avoidance of Direct Confrontation: Instead of addressing issues openly and honestly, they may avoid direct confrontation and express their anger or dissatisfaction indirectly.

4. Procrastination or Deliberate Mistakes: If they’re unhappy about a task or request, they might intentionally delay completing it or make deliberate mistakes to show their displeasure.

5. Subtle Sabotage: They may subtly undermine others’ efforts or success, perhaps by spreading rumors, withholding necessary information, or not fulfilling their responsibilities.

6. Denial of Negative Feelings: When confronted about their behavior, they may deny having any negative feelings or intentions, often insisting that the other person is “reading too much into things”.

7. Resentment towards Others’ Success: They may exhibit resentment or jealousy towards others’ achievements or happiness, often feeling like they are being overshadowed or neglected.

Remember, occasional instances of these behaviors can happen in anyone and do not necessarily indicate passive-aggressiveness or covert narcissism. However, a consistent pattern of these behaviors could be a sign to consider.

Does this person demonstrate passive-aggressive behaviors?

3. Putting Other People Down To Elevate Themselves

When trying to identify if a person subtly puts others down to elevate themselves, here are key behaviors and patterns to look out for:

1. Disparaging Humor: They may use humor as a tool to insult or belittle others, often disguising their put-downs as jokes or playful banter.

2. Comparison: People with low self-esteem might feel good only when they compare themselves to someone they believe is “lesser” than them. This could be in terms of looks, intelligence, wealth, or other attributes ².

3. Jealousy: They might put others down out of jealousy, especially when they see someone else doing well or achieving success.

4. Attention Seeking: Some people put others down to draw attention to themselves or to make themselves feel important.

5. Deflection of Inadequacy: They may criticize others to deflect from their own insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. By focusing on others’ faults, they can avoid confronting their own shortcomings.

Remember, occasional instances of these behaviors can happen in anyone and do not necessarily indicate a problem. However, a consistent pattern of these behaviors could be a sign of an underlying issue.

Does this person subtly put others down to elevate themselves?

4. Hidden Agendas

When trying to discern if a person has a hidden agenda, here are some signs and behaviors to look out for:

5. Manipulative Behavior

If you’re trying to identify if a person frequently uses guilt or manipulation to get their way, here are some signs and behaviors to look out for:

1. Playing the Victim: They might consistently portray themselves as the victim in situations, even when it’s not warranted, to make others feel guilty and to manipulate the situation in their favor.

2. Emotional Blackmail: They might use fear, obligation, or guilt (also known as the FOG tactic) to pressure others into doing what they want. Statements like, “If you really cared about me, you would…” are common in this scenario.

3. Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where they make others question their own perceptions, memories, or sanity, causing them to doubt themselves and become more susceptible to the manipulator’s influence.

4. Triangulation: They might use a third person to validate their point of view or to undermine the other person’s confidence.

5. Negging: This is a manipulative strategy often used in the dating world where they give backhanded compliments or start a conversation with a subtle put-down to lower the other person’s self-esteem and increase their need for approval.

6. False Promises: They may promise to change or do something in return for your cooperation, only to break that promise later.

7. Blame Shifting: Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they might shift the blame onto others to deflect guilt.

Remember, occasional instances of these behaviors can happen in anyone and do not necessarily indicate manipulation. However, a consistent pattern of these behaviors could be a sign of a manipulative personality.

Does this person frequently use guilt or manipulation to get their way?

6. Overly Sensitive to Criticism

If you’re trying to identify if a person is overly sensitive to criticism, even when it’s constructive, here are some signs and behaviors to look out for:

1. Defensiveness: They might become defensive or argumentative when faced with criticism, even if it’s meant to be helpful or constructive.

2. Denial: They may deny the validity of the criticism or dismiss it as untrue, rather than considering its merit.

3. Anger or Resentment: They might react with anger or hold onto resentment when they are criticized, even for minor things.

4. Blame Shifting: Instead of taking responsibility, they might shift the blame onto others or circumstances to deflect criticism.

5. Avoidance: They may avoid situations or people who might offer criticism, thereby missing opportunities for growth or improvement.

6. Overreaction: They might overreact to criticism, taking it as a personal attack or insult rather than a chance to learn and improve.

7. Low Self-esteem: Overly sensitive individuals often have low self-esteem and might take criticism more personally as a result.

Remember, everyone can be sensitive to criticism at times, and it’s natural to not enjoy being criticized. However, a consistent pattern of these behaviors could signify an excessive sensitivity to criticism.

Does this person seem overly sensitive to criticism, even when it’s constructive?

7. Over Entitled

The following are some signs and behaviors that indicate that a person is over-entitled and always expects special treatment.

1. Unreasonable Expectations: They may demand or expect more than is reasonable or customary in various situations, whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in social settings.

2. Lack of Reciprocity: They might expect others to go out of their way for them, but not return the favor or show appreciation.

3. Disregard for Rules: They may believe they are exempt from rules or norms that others are expected to follow and may become upset if they are held accountable.

4. Impatience or Anger: They might become impatient or angry when they don’t receive the special treatment they believe they deserve.

5. Lack of Empathy: They could show a lack of understanding or consideration for other people’s feelings, needs, or perspectives.

6. Manipulation: They may use manipulation tactics to get what they want, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing the victim.

7. Superiority Complex: They might act as though they are superior to others, believing they are more deserving of privileges and advantages.

Remember, everyone can display signs of entitlement occasionally, but a consistent pattern of these behaviors could indicate an ingrained sense of entitlement.

Does this person have a sense of entitlement or expect special treatment?

8. Blame-Shifting

9. Low Empathy

Signs that a person lacks empathy:

1. Difficulty Understanding Others’ Feelings: They may struggle to understand or relate to others’ emotions or perspectives.

2. Disregard for Others’ Feelings: They might dismiss or ignore other people’s feelings, especially when those feelings don’t align with their own.

3. Self-Centeredness: They may often focus on their own needs and feelings to the exclusion of others.

4. Lack of Sympathy: They might not show sympathy or compassion when others are going through difficult times.

5. Insensitive Comments: They could make comments that are insensitive or hurtful, without seeming to realize or care about the impact of their words.

6. Struggle with Authentic Relationships: They may have difficulty forming deep, authentic relationships due to their lack of understanding or consideration for others’ feelings.

7. Manipulative Behavior: They might manipulate others for their own gain, without considering the impact on those involved.

Remember, everyone can display signs of lacking empathy occasionally, but a consistent pattern of these behaviors could indicate a more serious lack of empathy.

Does this person seem to lack empathy for others?

10. Unappreciative and Ungrateful

If you’re trying to identify if a person rarely shows genuine appreciation or gratitude, here are some signs and behaviors to look out for:

1. Lack of Acknowledgment: They might consistently fail to acknowledge or recognize the efforts of others.

2. Taking Things for Granted: They may take things, people or situations for granted, showing little appreciation for what they have.

3. Expecting More: They could constantly expect more without expressing gratitude for what they already receive.

4. Minimal Positive Feedback: They might seldom give positive feedback or compliments.

5. Dismissing Others’ Efforts: They may dismiss or downplay the efforts of others, making them feel unappreciated.

6. Self-Centeredness: They could often focus on their own needs and wants, overlooking the contributions of others.

7. Lack of Reciprocity: They might accept help, gifts, or favors without returning the kindness or expressing thanks.

Remember, everyone can forget to express gratitude occasionally, but a consistent pattern of these behaviors could indicate a habitual lack of appreciation or gratitude.

Does this person rarely show genuine appreciation or gratitude?