If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you know how difficult they can be. They always seem to be one step ahead, and it’s hard to stand up to them without feeling like you’re being steamrolled. But there are ways to disarm a narcissist and take back control of the situation.
How does a narcissist try to get the upper hand?
In order to disarm a narcissist, it is important to understand his (or her) modus operandi.
Most narcissists are experts at the dark arts of psychological manipulation and gaslighting. They will use every trick in the book to try to control you and make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
The following are some of the weapons that the narcissist will use to try to bend you to their will –
Gaslighting – This is a technique whereby the narcissist will try to make you doubt your own version of events. They will lie and distort the truth in order to make you question your own memory and perception.
Mind games – The narcissist will often play mind games in order to disorient you and throw you off balance. They may say one thing and then do the complete opposite. They may also try to make you feel guilty or ashamed in order to manipulate you into doing what they want.
Control – The narcissist will often try to control the conversation and steer it in the direction that they want it to go. They will interrupt you, talk over you, and cut you off in order to assert their dominance.
Lies, lies and more lies – The narcissist is an accomplished liar and will often use this to their advantage. They may lie about their intentions, their feelings, or even the facts of a situation in order to gain the upper hand. They will stop at nothing, promising things that they have no intention of ever honouring and making false accusations in order to turn people against you.
Now that we’ve looked at some of the ways that a narcissist will try to control and manipulate you, let’s take a look at some strategies for disarming them.
How can you disarm a narcissist?
The best way to disarm a narcissist is to be prepared for their tactics and to have faith in your own strength.
Here are some tips for how to do that –
Keep calm
It can be difficult to keep your cool when you’re dealing with a narcissist, but it’s important to try. If you lose your temper, they will use it against you and try to make you look like the crazy one. In extreme situations they will also manipulate their victim into reactive abuse, so it is important to maintain as much calm and composure as possible.
Maintain strong boundaries
It’s important to have strong boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. You need to be clear about what you will and will not tolerate from them. If they try to cross your boundaries, stand firm and do not back down. This will send a message that you are not going to be treated like a doormat.
Practice using statements such as:
“If you shout, I will leave the room.”
“I will not discuss this with you if you are going to be disrespectful.”
“I don’t deserve to be treated like this, and I won’t tolerate it.”
“If you continue talking to me with that tone, I will put the phone down.”
Obviously, it is vital that once you have laid down the boundary, you stick to it and follow through with the consequence. This will send a strong message to the narcissist that they cannot control or manipulate you.
Be prepared to walk away
In some cases, the best thing you can do is to walk away from the situation. This is especially true if the narcissist is being particularly abusive or if they are refusing to listen to reason. This may mean ending a relationship or walking out of a meeting. It’s important to know your limits and to be willing to remove yourself from a situation if it becomes too toxic.
Ignore them
In many cases, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to simply ignore them. They are often looking for attention and validation, so by refusing to engage with them, you deny them the thing that they want most. This can be difficult to do, but it is often the most effective strategy.
Do not get pulled into their games
Narcissists are experts at playing mind games and they will often try to involve you in them. It’s important to remember that these games are designed to manipulate and control you. Do not fall for their tricks and do not get pulled into their web of lies.
Do not fight back
It’s important to remember that narcissists are experts at manipulation, and they will often use your own anger and frustration against you. If you try to fight back, they will twist your words and actions in order to make you look like the bad guy. In many cases, it’s best to simply walk away from the situation.
Stay centred and focus on your truth
It can be easy to get caught up in the chaos of a narcissist’s world. But it’s important to remember that their version of events is often distorted and unreliable. Stay centred and focus on your own truth. This will help you to see through their lies and manipulation.
Lean on your support network
The narcissist will do their best to isolate you, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. Lean on your friends and family for support. These people can help you to see the situation more clearly and they can provide a much-needed reality check.
The Bottom Line – How to disarm a narcissist
When dealing with a narcissist, it is important to have faith in yourself and in your ability to stand up to their abuse. Walk away from the situation if it becomes too toxic, and do not forget to maintain strong boundaries. Most importantly, do not let them pull you into their games or allow them to control you. Stay centred and focus on your own truth
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