If you have decided to go no contact with a narcissist, you may be wondering what to expect. Narcissists often react very negatively when their victims try to break free from the relationship. It can be difficult to deal with these reactions, but it is important to stay strong and remember why you made the decision to cut off all communication.
In this post, I will discuss the different reactions that narcissists exhibit when victims cut them out of their lives. I will also give some suggestions about how to deal with them.
What does going no contact with a narcissist mean?
No contact means exactly what it sounds like: you are no longer communicating with the person in any way.
This includes not replying to their texts, phone calls, or emails. It also involves blocking them on all social media and avoiding them in person if possible.
Why do victims of narcissists go no contact?
There are many reasons why someone might decide to go no contact with a narcissist. Perhaps they have finally realized that the relationship is not healthy and that they deserve better. Or, they may have been the victim of narcissistic abuse and need time to heal.
No matter what the reason, going no contact is often a very difficult but necessary decision that victims take to safeguard their mental and physical health.
Narcissists crave narcissistic supply
The people in a narcissist’s life all have a specific purpose – they are sources of different types of narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic supply is anything that a narcissist uses to boost their ego. This can include attention, compliments, admiration, fear, or even just being in control. There will be people who give them the admiration they need in their career, others who give them the attention they need and so on.
When someone tries to break free from a narcissist’s grasp, it threatens their supply. The loss of narcissistic supply can trigger different reactions in the narcissist, which can range from manipulation to anger and aggression or more passive-aggressive behaviours.
How a narcissist reacts to rejection
The narcissist cannot bear the thought of losing someone who provides them with the admiration or attention they crave, so they will do whatever they can to try to keep them in their life.
Some narcissists try to convince their victim to stay in the relationship. They may say things like “I can’t live without you” or “You’re the only one who understands me.” They may even go so far as to say that they will hurt themselves if you leave, or that they will commit suicide. This is just a manipulation tactic – do not fall for it!
Deploying narcissistic abuse tactics
It is also likely that the narcissist will try to break down your defences and make you reconsider your decision through love bombing, which is when the narcissist showers their victim with attention and gifts in an attempt to make them stay. They want you to believe that they absolutely adore you and that you are the only one who can make them happy. Do not be fooled – the narcissist does not actually care about you, they only care about what you can do for them.
The narcissist will also try to lure you back in with promises of change (future faking). They may say that they will go to therapy or that things will be different from now on. Do not believe these empty promises! Narcissists do not change, no matter how much they say they will. If you go back to them, they will only treat you the same way they did before.
Some narcissists will try to cajole you to stay by gaslighting you. Gaslighting is when the narcissist tries to make you doubt your own reality and memory. They may say things like “you’re imagining things” or “you’re overreacting.” Gaslighting can be very confusing and frustrating, but it is important to remember that the narcissist is the one with the problem, not you.
Another common tactic would be for the narcissist to try to show you what you are missing. You can expect a barrage of shiny, happy photos on social media of the narcissist with their new partner or enjoying life without you. They may also leave comments that are meant to hurt you, such as “having fun being single!” or “enjoy my best life!”
The narcissist’s ultimate goal is to make you feel bad for leaving them and to get you to come back to them. Remember that all that glitters is not gold – the narcissist is just trying to make you jealous and to control you. Do not let them!
If they cannot manipulate you, they will try to intimidate you
If all else fails, many narcissists will resort to anger and aggression. They will lash out at you verbally or even physically. Narcissists use anger as a way to control and manipulate their victims, so do not let them see that their behaviour is affecting you. Instead, remain calm and firm in your decision to go no contact. That said, it is also important to take precautions where possible. Change the locks if the narcissist had your house keys. Consider changing your phone number if they are harassing you with calls and texts. Block them on messaging apps and social media.
The narcissist may also try to sabotage your life by spreading rumours and making false accusations. They will also try to rally their troop of flying monkeys to make your life hell, in an attempt to force you to change your mind.
However the narcissist reacts, you can be sure that it will not be pleasant. Remember that the narcissist’s behaviour is a reflection of their own insecurities and damaged ego – it has nothing to do with you. Do not let them control you or make you feel guilty – you are better off without them!
The Bottom Line about Going No Contact with a Narcissist
The best way to deal with any reaction from a narcissist is to remain firm in your decision to go no contact.
Do not engage with them or try to reason with them, as this will only give them more ammunition to use against you.
If they are being abusive, take steps to protect yourself and get away from them as quickly as possible.
Remember, you are not responsible for their happiness or wellbeing – only your own. So stay strong and keep moving forward. You deserve better!
For Further Reading
The following are the most potent abusive tactics in the narcissist’s toolbox –
Abuse by Proxy – How to Identify and Deal with this form of Psychological Abuse
How to Detect and Escape Ambient Abuse: A Survivor’s Guide
Divide and Conquer – a strategic way of isolating victims
The Fauxpology – a devious weapon of the Narcissist
Future Faking – Narcissists make hollow promises about the future
Narcissistic Grooming – How Narcissists Brainwash and Condition their Victims
Love Bombing – The Narcissist’s Trick to Keep You Hooked
What is Narcissist Discard and what are the signs?
Narcissist Hoovering – How to Deal With It
Narcissist Triangulation – What it is, why Narcissists do it, and how to deal with it
What you need to know about Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic Smear Campaign – how to spot it and what to do about it
Narcissistic Word Salad – one of the tools in the narcissist’s toolbox
7 Types of Narcissistic Abuse with Practical Examples
Narcissistic Abuse – How Narcissists Manipulate and Hurt their Victims
13 Warning Signs of Narcissistic Abuse: How to Deal with It and Get Help
Narcissistic Abuse Examples – How to Recognize the Toxic Signs of Narcissism
The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: How to Recognize It and Break Free
Narcissist Manipulation Tactics: How to Safeguard Yourself from Emotional Abuse
Jokes or Abuse? When Jokes Cross the Line
Narcissistic Abuse – The Signs and Why it’s so Damaging
What Is Narcissist Abuse Syndrome and How Do You Recover from It?
Manipulative things a narcissist will say to pressure you to stay
Blaming the Victim – The Narcissist’s Insidious Strategy to Avoid Responsibility
Toxic Things a Narcissist Will Say To Destroy Your Confidence
The Impact of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Mother on Her Daughter
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