When a child embarks on enforcing a no contact policy with their narcissist mother, she is likely to react with shock and disbelief. Accustomed to exerting control and manipulating her child, she might struggle to comprehend this sudden establishment of boundaries.
This initial shock often morphs into anger, manipulative tactics, or controlling behavior as she endeavors to regain her lost power. She may resort to emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, or even recruit other family members to pressure you into retracting your decision.
In more severe cases, the narcissistic mother could orchestrate isolation within the family against the child who has initiated the no contact rule.
This is a coercive strategy aimed at making her child feel unsupported and alone, thereby pressuring them into re-establishing contact.
She may resort to various tactics in a bid to regain control over the situation, including pressuring other family members to ostracize you.
However, if you’ve concluded that going no contact is the best course of action, it’s crucial to remain resolute in your decision.
Always keep in mind that the way your narcissist mother proceeds to react to your no contact boundary is her attempt to re-establish the power imbalance, not genuine efforts at reconciliation or change.
Remember, your wellbeing matters, and at times, the healthiest action is creating distance between yourself and toxic individuals.
Making the Decision to Go No Contact with Your Narcissist Mother
Growing up under the shadow of a narcissistic mother can be an emotionally draining and disempowering experience.
Children of such parents often find themselves in a constant state of apprehension, attempting to navigate the volatile emotional landscape their parent creates.
They strive endlessly to please their mother, only to realize that no amount of effort will ever suffice.
The bitter reality is that despite your best efforts to establish a healthy relationship with your narcissistic mother, the likelihood of achieving any substantial change is minimal.
This is primarily because narcissists rarely acknowledge their own flaws or the distress they cause others.
More often than not, they perceive themselves to be the wronged party, never the source of the problem.
Upon realizing this, some individuals may choose to implement a no contact policy as a form of self-preservation.
This decision, although diffcult, is often driven by the need to safeguard one’s mental and emotional health.
It’s crucial to remember that when you decide to sever ties and go no contact, your narcissist mother is likely to react with to rage and manipulation.
How to Go No Contact With Your Narcissist Mother
Taking the steps to go no contact with a narcissistic mother can be difficult, but it is an essential part of maintaining your mental and emotional health.
The following are the five stages to implement going no contact, enabling you to regain control over your life and protect yourself from further abuse or manipulation.
Acknowledging the Problem
Coming to terms with the reality that your mother is narcissistic is a crucial first step in the journey towards establishing a no contact policy.
This acknowledgment can be challenging, given the societal expectations surrounding mother-child relationships and the deeply personal nature of this bond.
Emotional or physical abuse from a mother, who is supposed to be a source of unconditional love and support, can be particularly tough to accept.
However, recognizing these harmful behaviors is necessary for you to break free from the cycle of abuse and begin the healing process.
Recognizing the problem includes understanding the characteristics of a narcissistic mother.
These include behaviors such as constant criticism, manipulation, lack of empathy, and a need for control.
Always remind yourself that these behaviors are not your fault and do not reflect your worth.
You might also have to confront the fact that your narcissistic mother is unlikely to change.
This is because a common trait among narcissists is the inability to see themselves as the problem, which makes change difficult.
Setting Boundaries With Your Narcissistic Mother
Recognizing the issue is the first step in dealing with a narcissistic parent.
Once you’ve identified the problem, it becomes crucial to establish healthy boundaries between yourself and your narcissistic mother.
The approach of reducing contact could translate into limiting phone conversations to once a week or restricting the duration of each call.
It might also involve setting rules for in-person visits, such as agreeing on specific times or locations that feel safe and comfortable for you.
However, it’s important to be prepared for resistance.
Narcissists struggle with respecting boundaries, viewing them as personal affronts or challenges to their control.
The way your narcissist mother opts to react to your decision to reduce contact will help you decide whether you need to take more drastic measures/
Embarking on the journey of emotional detachment from a narcissistic mother can be an arduous process.
It demands immense courage, self-compassion, and resilience.
This step involves relinquishing any hopes or expectations you might harbor about your mother suddenly becoming understanding or affectionate.
It’s about acknowledging the stark reality – that her behavior is abusive and detrimental to your emotional health.
One of the crucial aspects of emotional detachment is learning to manage your emotions effectively when they surface.
This might involve recognizing triggers, understanding your emotional responses, and developing strategies to cope with these feelings.
You might experience a gamut of emotions during this process – from anger and resentment to guilt and sorrow.
It’s essential to remember that these feelings are valid and are a part of the healing journey.
It can be helpful to express these emotions in a safe and supportive environment, such as therapy or support groups.
Therapy, in particular, can provide valuable tools and techniques to navigate this complex emotional terrain.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for instance, can help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns, while therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) can assist in processing and healing from traumatic experiences.
Support groups, both online and offline, can also offer a sense of community and understanding.
Hearing others’ experiences and coping strategies can provide comfort and practical advice.
Choosing Not to Engage in Fruitless Disputes
Engaging in a debate or attempting to rationalize with a narcissist often proves to be an exercise in futility.
A narcissistic mother, by nature, is unlikely to entertain perspectives differing from her own.
This lack of empathy and inability to accept responsibility can lead to heated, unproductive arguments that only serve to exacerbate the situation.
When implementing a no contact policy, it’s crucial to anticipate an unfavorable reaction from your narcissistic mother.
She may resort to denial, anger, manipulation, or guilt-tripping in an attempt to regain control.
However, embroiling yourself in these confrontations will likely prove fruitless and only heighten your emotional distress.
Instead, it is more beneficial to affirm your decision without engaging in unnecessary conflict.
This doesn’t mean ignoring her reactions.
Rather, it implies acknowledging them without letting them dictate your actions or decisions.
Remember, the purpose of going no contact is to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being over dysfunctional dynamics.
Initiating a no contact policy with your narcissistic mother doesn’t always imply an indefinite cessation of communication.
Instead, it’s about providing yourself with the necessary space and time to unravel your emotions, process your pain, and begin the healing journey.
This period of separation can be a crucial phase for self-reflection, allowing you to understand the impact of your mother’s toxic behavior on your mental and emotional well-being.
It’s an opportunity to reclaim your autonomy and self-worth, which may have been undermined by the constant manipulation and abuse.
As you progress through this healing phase, you might contemplate gradually re-establishing contact with your mother.
However, the fact is that you are under no obligation to do so.
The decision should be based solely on your comfort and readiness, not societal expectations or familial pressure.
If you decide to reconnect, setting clear boundaries is paramount to avoid falling back into old patterns of abuse.
This could involve limiting the frequency and duration of interactions, carefully managing topics of conversation, or establishing specific rules around respect and decency.
How Does a Narcissist Mother React to Their Child Going No Contact?
When a child chooses to go no contact with their narcissistic mother, the reaction from their parent will never be pretty.
How Does a Narcissist Mother React to Their Child Going No Contact – She Becomes Furious
A narcissist mother is likely to react by becoming furious when her child goes no contact because they are losing an important source of narcissistic supply.
They will lash out angrily at their child or attempt to make them feel guilty for making the decision.
In addition they may attempt to blame their child for their own bad behaviour as a way of deflecting responsibility away from themselves.
They will try to make their child feel guilty so that they can manipulate them into changing their mind.
How Does a Narcissist Mother React to Their Child Going No Contact – She Blames Others
When a narcissist mother’s child has gone no contact, they may try to deflect blame away from themselves by finding someone else to blame.
This could be siblings, friends, or even therapists.
She wants to distract herself from the reality of the situation and convince herself, and others, that she is blameless, thus avoiding any sense of guilt or regret.
How Does a Narcissist Mother React to Their Child Going No Contact – She Resorts to Threats
If all other tactics such as blame-shifting, guilt-tripping, and manipulation fail, a narcissistic mother is likely to escalate matters by resorting to threats and intimidation in order to enforce her wishes and get her way.
This could involve making subtle or overt implications of dire consequences should the child refuse to talk or see her.
The goal is to instil fear in her child to make them more likely to comply with her demands..
How Does a Narcissist Mother React to Their Child Going No Contact – She Will Create Drama
Narcissist mothers will often seek attention through drama-filled displays that aim to draw sympathy from those around them who can then help persuade the child into returning to communication with her.
This could come in the form of feigning illness or marriage problems in order elicit pity from those close by, so that these third parties can exert pressure on her behalf and convince their child to get back into contact.
How To Heal After Going No Contact With Your Narcissist Mother
Taking the difficult decision to go no contact with a narcissistic mother is never easy.
But once you have taken that hard step, you can start the journey of healing and begin rebuilding your sense of inner peace and wellbeing.
Understand What No Contact Means
No contact is the process of severing all ties with a narcissist, which may include any form of communication (texts, emails, phone calls).
It also involves blocking them on social media and not responding when they reach out.
Reach out to your friends for support, and consider talking to a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance on how to heal from the trauma inflicted by your narcissistic mother.
Reconnect With Yourself
After going no contact with your narcissistic mother, it’s important to take time for yourself and reconnect with your own needs and goals.
Taking up hobbies that bring you joy, scheduling regular self-care activities such as meditation, journaling or yoga – whatever works for you – can help rebuild your sense of identity and wellbeing.
Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made during the relationship with your mother, as well as for any negative feelings that come up during recovery from the trauma inflicted by her.
Show yourself kindness and understanding. It’s ok to feel sadness, anger or regret when leaving a toxic relationship with a parent behind.
Set Firm Boundaries
If you ever make the decision to re-establish communication after going no contact with a narcissist mother, it’s important to set crystal clear boundaries about what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not in order to keep yourself safe emotionally and mentally.
Taking the brave decision to go no contact with a narcissist can be intimidating, but having courage and facing your fears will give you strength and help you to protect yourself from further harm.
It can also help you rebuild your sense of self-respect and confidence, allowing you to pursue a healthier life for yourself.
Final Thoughts on How a Narcissist Mother will React to No Contact
You have made the decision to go no contact with your mother because your relationship is toxic, so her negative reaction will not come as a surprise.
When presented with a firm decision of this type, a narcissist is bound to retaliate by resorting to tactics such as manipulation, denial, blame-shifting, and guilt-tripping.
It may be tempting to give in to their demands and end the drama, but it’s important to remember that no contact is the only way you can take back control of your life and start healing.
Keep reminding yourself of why this is the best course of action for you and stay focused on the long term goal of rebuilding your life without their toxic influence.
Frequently Asked Questions About How A Narcissist Mother Reacts To No Contact
Initial reactions can vary widely, but common responses include shock, disbelief, anger, and attempts to regain control. She may try to make you feel guilty for your decision or accuse you of being ungrateful or selfish.
Narcissists often struggle with respecting boundaries as they see them as personal affronts. Your narcissistic mother may disregard your decision and attempt to re-establish contact, especially in the early stages of no contact.
This is a common tactic used by narcissists when they feel they are losing control. It’s important to communicate openly with other family members about your decision and the reasons behind it, but also to be prepared for some negative reactions.
Understanding requires empathy, which narcissists often lack. While she may eventually recognize the consequences of her actions, understanding and accepting your reasons for going no contact may not come easily or at all.
The duration of no contact depends on individual circumstances. For some, it may be temporary, while others may find it necessary to maintain no contact indefinitely for their emotional well-being.
Feelings of guilt or fear are common after initiating no contact. It can be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional, join a support group, or confide in trusted friends who understand your situation.
For Further Reading
If you found this post interesting, you might also find the following posts about narcissistic mothers useful –
Carla Corelli is an author, advocate, and survivor of narcissistic abuse. Having grown up with a narcissistic father, Carla experienced firsthand the profound impact of psychological and emotional abuse. Fueled by her personal journey, she pursued a degree in psychology and has dedicated herself to shedding light on the complexities of narcissistic abuse.
With over fifteen years of experience in writing and advocating for survivors, Carla is deeply committed to providing support, education, and empowerment to those who have endured similar trauma. Through her articles, Carla aims to offer a compassionate space for healing and growth, while advocating for greater awareness and understanding of narcissistic abuse.
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